Howl The Truth
Unfiltered. Unapologetic. Undeniable.
Howl The Truth - where comfort dies and truth lives.
This isn’t just another podcast. It’s a call to wake up and better yourself. We’re howling the truths most are too scared to say - raw takes, real stories, commentary, and no-holds-barred reactions to the world around us.
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Health. Mindset. Culture. War on truth.
🔥 Hosted by Patrick Kane, founder of The Howl Life, this show is for the real ones - the ones who see through the noise and refuse to back down.
The wolf doesn’t follow the herd. It howls.
Howl The Truth
(Shaley teeter) The lonely Life of Self Growth
Explore the intricacies of modern living with our latest episode, where we unravel the myths of organic labeling and dive into transformative dietary journeys. Gain valuable insights into adopting healthier habits, with tips on intermittent fasting and mindful eating. Our discussion sheds light on the profound connection between trauma, loss, and wellness while tackling the impact of toxic relationships and societal caregiving roles. Our guest shares personal stories of resilience and wellness, inspiring a fresh approach to self-care amid adversity. Additionally, we examine the complexities of contemporary relationships, from setting boundaries to confronting beauty standards, offering a candid reflection on today's dating world. Join us for a journey towards authenticity, empowerment, and meaningful connections, urging listeners to embrace self-discovery and genuine relationships. Tune in to transform your life experience!
yeah, most people are like what the fuck is a prebiotic?
Speaker 2:no, I know I didn't. I recently learned about that.
Speaker 1:Yeah, yeah it's almost like information overload. I feel like the more I learn, I'm like I feel the more I'm doing wrong. And then you find like contradicting information as well and you're like what fucking approach do I take Because? And then it makes you want to do nothing at all. I'll just have a normal American diet which is like a piece of shit.
Speaker 2:You know it's, oh my god, yeah, I was thinking about that like this is.
Speaker 1:This is like a rabbit hole we could go down, but the normal do it yeah the normal american diet like yeah, whereas like, if I'm eating healthy, I'm on a diet, and it's like, no, I'm eating right and you're eating like a fat piece of shit right you know, you know, not to be a little like the normal american diet.
Speaker 2:everything is like packaged with barcode and they're like oh yeah, it says, like our parents' generation.
Speaker 1:What were they eating? Wonder bread for fucking breakfast, lunch and dinner.
Speaker 2:My mom would look at like she gets really caught up with skinny marketing. Skinny, skinny, skinny, like fat free zero, triple zero Like skinny, skinny, like fat free zero, triple zero like triple zero, triple protein.
Speaker 1:What do you?
Speaker 2:what is it it's? A science experiment. Um, I'm like, have you ever shouldn't even know what a seed oil is?
Speaker 1:interesting, do you?
Speaker 2:know what a seed oil is, mom, but if you're born in the 60s or something, yeah between 50 and 80. They don't know what seed oils are one.
Speaker 1:What I realized too is that so many people are so shut off from it and it takes like a clicking moment, like, for instance, I talked to my mom about intermittent fasting for three years when I was doing it. Three fucking years I was like telling her like the benefits, my schedule, and then three years later, randomly one one day she was like have you ever heard of intermittent fasting?
Speaker 1:She was like one of my friends was talking to me about it and I'm like how in the fuck did you even just, I don't get it. Oh, so we're allowed to swear? Oh, of course, okay, yeah, great, why Do you have a potty mouth? You're going to sit like Like you just start railing it.
Speaker 2:Oh fuck, yeah, Same with my mom. I could like preach and preach and preach to her about her like low fat, low sugar, zero, this zero that diets, and then she will not listen to me. I'm just like mom. Look at the back of the packaging, look at the ingredients. Where are any in any of those ingredients? Does that say food?
Speaker 1:It's literally like a number and a letter combination, and then if you were to look it up, I think the issue is that ignorance is bliss, because if people were to do their own research, it would make them have to stop eating what they're eating, and that's too hard and they don't want to. And I've been on like a health kick for a very long time and I've taken it in stages and just recently I got off of anything that's white. Is that starches? Is that I wanted to say?
Speaker 2:it like even dairy no, I'm still fuck.
Speaker 1:No, I'm definitely still doing dairy, but like any kind of pasta, uh, white potatoes, any kind of bread, yep, it's mainly like a, like a paleo diet, it's like, and the first month and a half I felt like dog shit just detoxing I, just I, and that feeling made me want to be like okay, I'm just gonna go back to eating, like shit. But it got to a point where I was like I need to keep going and now my energy levels are always stable.
Speaker 1:My anxiety is is way down. My productivity is through the fucking roof. So, but it's an and I'm and I'm strong-willed, and there were so many times where I was like I'm gonna eat a fucking cookie just so I can feel better.
Speaker 2:It's such a sickness. I know it's such a sickness and I recently did the same thing, except I went like animal based, like I don't I don't want to say carnivore, because I'm still eating. I was still eating fruit and um, actually just fruits. I cut out vegetables yeah and I was eating red was there a reason for?
Speaker 1:I mean, I was just because all the research now is like vegetables have lectins and stuff like this basically like the argument was like fiber in vegetables is almost unnecessary for us like, for some reason, like this is like the research that I was just finding to feel I was feeling like it resonated with me. Yeah.
Speaker 2:Like vegetables are useless essentially.
Speaker 1:Yeah.
Speaker 2:And then like the way that they're grown and like organic is a very broadly used term. Oh my God.
Speaker 1:So, so, so broad. Like if 1% is organic, it's fucking organic now.
Speaker 2:Literally like the paper it's wrapped in could be organic paper and that can be sold as organic. That's the same thing with like skincare products, yeah, so I was just like, let me try this. So I literally went on like red meat eggs I didn't really eat chicken and fruit avocados and then I actually like lost a few pounds in the beginning, and it wasn't for weight loss, I just was just like my diet is so like has so much variety, and I'm like why am I eating so many different?
Speaker 1:things, and what and where in our history have we ever?
Speaker 2:done this like oatmeal and cereal and bread and like like I'm just, it's all a money.
Speaker 1:I find it like interesting too. So, um, when I was looking at schools on the west coast, I was traveling through like the back roads of uh, california, fucking ice machine. I was traveling through the back roads of california and you see where all of our crops come from, and there was so much fucking corn factories and I'm like like corn is one of the easiest things to grow. There was like I want to say like millions, millions of miles of it, but that's an exaggeration.
Speaker 2:A couple hundred acres probably, and I'm like, yeah, it's insane.
Speaker 1:Just miles and miles and miles. And I'm like, oh, like that's why they purport all the cereals, Because, like, corn grows fast.
Speaker 2:Corn is the most abundant crop that we have in the United States.
Speaker 1:Everything's a fucking shame, but I mean it's so far out there in the media like you have, like some of the most famous people in the world, talking about what a sham it is and still people are like, yeah, it's cheap and I'm gonna eat it.
Speaker 2:Yeah, um, yeah. And then so, yeah, I cut out all that stuff and I was just like, all right, I feel good and I'm like losing a little bit of weight. And then I was doing more research and then people are like you should cut out fruit too, and and I was like I'm just going to eat meat. That feels so bad, that feels like, oh my God, that would be the worst thing for you. Like, what about? Well, you can't get vitamin C in meat.
Speaker 1:You know there's like obviously, eggs and meat have a ton of nutrients but I'm just like, yeah, there's a little bit of vitamin C, like not enough.
Speaker 2:So you either supplement or yeah, I don't know, I think. I just think that I've been looking in the wrong direction prior to eating mostly animal products, for, like, everything's labeled healthy and, like you know, like just being on social media, it's like this woman could be the most fit, healthy looking person, but she lives on like protein shakes and protein bars yeah, you know what I mean, like and then dies randomly of some crazy disease too, or something like that.
Speaker 2:Yeah, and then you look at the ingredients and going back to our parents like yeah, they didn't do that. And then they have these weird cancers now in 2024 the world.
Speaker 1:No, the world is so fucked and like these kind of conversations can go in so many different directions. It's crazy, but something I wanted to bring up because I'm not sure I've always thought this and I want to say it out loud and I say it to people like in my close circle. But I think that if you spend your entire life eating healthy because you're like, let's say, like your grandmother had a certain type of cancer and you're like, fuck, I don't want to get that, so you spend your whole life eating a certain way in fear of not getting that cancer, I think that you're actually manifesting that cancer, no matter what 100 because it's like that's you, like that's what you're focusing on, like the focus isn't health, it's I need to avoid this.
Speaker 1:It's like being, it's like driving right as opposed to like telling like god of the universe, please no red light, please no red light. And you get a red light and you're like what the fuck it's? Because you should. You should have been focusing on the green light to begin with, you know right. So do you think there's any like merit in that? Because I see it like, all the time, people like I'm eating a certain way because I want to avoid this, and they fucking get it anyways and I'm like how is that even possible?
Speaker 2:and it's like it's just such a narrow-minded way of thinking and, like you said, it manifests yes, the thing you're trying to avoid it brings it closer what about everything else? You know what I mean. Like, if you're going to focus on that one thing and you also have to think about again going back to what your grandmother was raised thinking was normal to eat, like we.
Speaker 2:We have so much more information available to us than our grandparents and our parents had yeah so like sure she did, that she ate that one thing or that was part of her life. But like you have so much information available to you, you don't you can also, I'm like, I'm a big believer in like moderation, but um to your point about like manifesting something, I think stress-related cancers are way more prevalent than we believe it's not just food, it's not smoking, like I think. If you live a genuinely stressful life, you're angry, you have people smoke cigarettes until they're like 102.
Speaker 1:They're like just die of old age they have the best lives.
Speaker 2:They just smoke. But then, there's people who are angry and have resentment and can't let go of shit, which, like, when I say this, I'm literally thinking about my dad. He may have smoked he smoked blunts, so tobacco but he was such an angry person and he was so bitter and resentful and he just spent his whole life thinking about you know, even to the point where he was like on his deathbed. He's like if I was strong enough, like I would get these last couple people you know, jeez, he was dying.
Speaker 1:That shit's corrosive to the soul.
Speaker 2:Yeah.
Speaker 1:And the heart and everything else that's tough.
Speaker 2:I will say the love in him came back, knowing that he was leaving you know, knowing we his his. The love in him came back, knowing that he was leaving, you know, knowing he knew his. We knew his cancer was terminal, so like part of his softness came back to us.
Speaker 1:But then his anger was remained with a lot of other things it was like a duality where, like he was feeling more love about certain things, but then also, at the same time, getting yeah, and I, oh no, I want to get that motherfucker before. Yeah and I was.
Speaker 2:I believe that his tumor manifested not only from the tobacco, not only from seed oils because, he didn't know a thing about he. I asked him while he had cancer. I was like yeah you know what seed oils are. And he's like no, yeah, um, but from stress yeah stress, like you can see it in a person's face, someone who's lived a hard life and it's not always it's so apparent a hard life, and it's not always it's so apparent.
Speaker 2:It's not always smoking, it's not always food. It's literally stress, lack of sleep. I think lack of sleep is one of the biggest things that make people look old.
Speaker 1:Yeah.
Speaker 2:It ages you and fucking stress Working jobs. You hate Spending time with people. You hate, toxic relationships. These things make you look bad, literally on the outside. You can see a person and you're like they're not doing well and it's 90% who they're around.
Speaker 1:And people, and I can only speak from experience because I've endured that in my lifetime.
Speaker 2:Yeah, you look at pictures of yourself from like when you were dating a certain person.
Speaker 1:I was stuck in that shit and I felt like there was no way out of it. I was stuck in that shit and I felt like there was no way out of it, and there was an odd comfort to it as well. Thank you so much. You're the GOAT, thank you. Thank you, mac.
Speaker 2:Thank you, I like playing with my beard, I get a couple of whiskers.
Speaker 1:I'm always getting shunned on camera.
Speaker 2:I love it. Someone's got to check you. I know right, I know you have perfect posture Because he said it's my side view so I don't want to that poop on camera. It's almost 30 minutes past.
Speaker 1:It's like 20 minutes. Thank you, you're the GOAT. I appreciate it. What was I saying? I'm so sorry.
Speaker 2:You were saying the things. You were stuck in the way they were making you look and manifesting in like your physical being.
Speaker 1:Oh yeah, and there was an odd comfort about it too, like you get so comfortable with, like the fights you're going through, the toxic nature of your family. It becomes your day-to-day, your reality and you're so ingrained in you that you're just like this is normal. And then I've even had it where I've experienced something better, and then I've almost felt guilty about like having a better being better, yeah.
Speaker 2:Or like leaving that shit behind or those people, yes.
Speaker 1:Because it's like there's still love there for them and everything I've ever done, I've always tried to be like come and do this with me, come and do that with me.
Speaker 2:Some people are resistant to positivity.
Speaker 1:It's tough change yeah, you gotta leave those that shit in the past. Wait, cheers. Yeah, leave that shit in the past. Yeah, for sure, oh yeah, you do that and so so I mean not to transition or to be too, morbid. How recent did your dad pass?
Speaker 2:He passed away a couple days before Christmas Damn 2023,. So it's been like seven, eight months, so it's a pretty fresh wound.
Speaker 1:Do you feel that certain people in your family dealt with it differently? And I say that because I look at the way that, like, my family deals with like trauma and stress and some people that are like stuck in those certain situations, they deal with it a certain way and they take one route, whereas, like for me, stuff like that motivates me to be in your life yeah.
Speaker 1:So, um, like I was curious if you can see that and it's difficult because I'm sure being in a wellness mind frame puts you in a better space to deal with loss and then if you see someone who's inconsolable, or they can't even comprehend it, it must be really difficult.
Speaker 2:Yeah, so I mean I'm one of five kids and we all came from one dad, so that was all our dad and we all live very different lives. But I will say, you know, being in the industry that I'm in and the line of profession being in wellness, you know it's made me really like take a step back. And you know just as much as our parents didn't have the information or knowledge on how to live well, yeah, I don't even that means they didn't have the information or knowledge on how to live.
Speaker 2:Well, yeah, I don't. Even that means they didn't impart it on me, so where did I get it? And so, like it made me really step back and be like how did I get here without any help? No one showed me how to get here that's deep insight right, I, like you know, I was just like my dad, just lost his life due to lack of knowledge, basically, and I am running a business for the last five years strictly based around wellness, and it's like who taught me that?
Speaker 2:so that's true where did I learn that? And I don't like where did it come from?
Speaker 1:is it like epigenetics?
Speaker 2:is there something inside of you? Was it like?
Speaker 1:a great grandfather that was also into it.
Speaker 2:Right, I don't know and because, again like generational misinformation, lack of knowledge, I'm like how did I get here? So when my dad passed away, I was just kind of like, obviously you know, naturally devastated sadness.
Speaker 1:Of course.
Speaker 2:But it made me be like okay, like I'm never going to live this way, I'm never going to put my health aside for temporary satisfaction. And you know, it wasn't like we were talking about before. Going back to your surroundings, your people, your emotions, your anger. It wasn't just his diet and the smoking, it was how he spent his days, how he spent his time.
Speaker 1:so I think if you're not mentally strong, then biological processes will just, you know, live their shelf life Survival of the fittest, yeah, yes, but I think that, if you're, I think you can program your body in a certain way, like there was this this is a crazy study where they took two groups of people and they gave them the same protein shake. They told one group that it was a healthy shake and they told the other group that it was a high-calorie, unhealthy shake, and the way the body digested both was completely different.
Speaker 2:Yeah, and I'm like it's literally mental attitude, what you think can change?
Speaker 2:biological functions state of mind, yeah. So basically, like I took a step back and I was just like okay, like I always knew that my dad was unhealthy and that he didn't have the information that he needed to live a healthy life, but it just only magnified why I'm doing what I'm doing. I'm just like I don't know how I got here or why I got here, but all I know is that in the beginning, as a kid, trying to figure out what I want to do with my life, I needed money, because I grew up very poor. You know, I watched my parents struggle and I was like well, I need to do something and I don't have time to go to a four-year college and I don't have the money.
Speaker 1:And I don't want to be in debt for the rest of my life. So yeah, I'll admit at the beginning.
Speaker 2:I liked what I was doing, but I was like seeing a paycheck. And then, as years went on and I worked for other people and saw the way things were done unethically and just not the way I would run a business, I finally branched out on my own and it became much deeper for me as to why I wanted to help people and be a massage therapist and be an esthetician and be in wellness. And it wasn't like it didn't stop there. You know, like after I left work for the day, I wasn't like, okay, I'm just going to go drive through McDonald's. And it was like, oh, I want to go take a yoga class, I want to go home and cook a meal and look up a recipe, and like it was just unfolding for me. Like the more I worked and worked with people one-on-one and also saw really unhealthy clients, I mean just trying to like how, who am I to take on a client and say I can make you better if I'm not gonna live that way?
Speaker 1:yeah, the same exact way.
Speaker 2:It's so true, I'm not gonna live a healthy lifestyle. Who am I to just take your money and have you coming back to me every month just for a massage, like it's so much more than that? My clients, when they come in with certain issues. I want to know how they live. You sit at a desk all day. You bring lunch. Do you go through a drive-thru?
Speaker 1:No wonder you get a fucking problem.
Speaker 2:What are you doing? I want to know why the why I'm not just there to take your money, and so in a roundabout way that's. Do you hear that?
Speaker 1:These walls are thin. No, yeah, I can cut all that out. It's perfect, I can cut all of it out.
Speaker 2:So, in a roundabout way, you know, I, after my dad passed away, I was just like this is why this is my, why Not to avoid cancer, not to say, oh, I'm never going to eat a cookie again, or it's not. I'm not making a vow to never eat food again, or have fun or live my life.
Speaker 1:You want a better life for yourself.
Speaker 2:I just want to change my family's history and not I don't know if I'm going to have kids, but what I do know is that I'm already off to a better start than where my parents brought us into the world.
Speaker 1:Do you want kids Not to do an abrupt transition?
Speaker 2:but I really don't know. Okay, I love kids, but I'm I really don't know. Okay, I love kids, but I'm so good with them.
Speaker 1:I feel like you're way too maternal to not have kids.
Speaker 2:I don't know, I love animals.
Speaker 1:Yeah, it's like having a little puppy for a little while. I know.
Speaker 2:I feel like the only thing is, though, which this is something I feel like our generation of women are experiencing right now, who don't have children because I'm going to be 31. Yeah, I struggle with being able to have duality, with being a mom, like so. Another part of me is that I sing in the band, and there's so much that goes into being a mom that I feel like I would want to throw myself.
Speaker 2:I want to immerse myself into it, In it yeah would want to throw myself, I wanted to immerse myself into it and a hundred percent. I wouldn't want to be that mom that is like, well, I'm gonna work 40 hours a week and sing in my band and but at the same time I would want my child to see that that part of you can do both of course but I think there's so many other fears that come with that.
Speaker 2:Like you know, I'm not gonna lie being on stage like pretty much been healthy and fit my whole life. If I go and get pregnant. That's not really exactly what the college bars want to see a pregnant singer, I mean some might. It would change my life completely.
Speaker 1:Yeah, I mean temporarily. I mean I hear you talking about instilling things in your clients and people around you and it's like you can instill that in someone that literally came from you. That can I mean like you talk about like ending generational suffering, like who's gonna carry it on? You know not to put like some pressure on you, but like I have two kids and I'm not a woman, so I can't even like fathom the love that like my daughter's mother's, my daughter's mother has for her and it's different when someone comes out of your body way fucking different.
Speaker 1:So like that kind of love I I can't even imagine. But I do know that when my grandmother, my mma, passed away, she was surrounded by her family and no one gave a shit about what nightclub she went to, if she sang on stage, if she was into health. It was like you were there for us. She created all these sentient beings. So I will always be like an advocate and it's sad when you see a woman that is so set on not having kids and you're like what are you going to like who's going gonna be by your side when you have limited fucking air left and and limited days left.
Speaker 2:My twin sister and I sat on either side of my dad's hospital bed when he literally took his last breath and I'm like, if I don't have children, then who will be there for me on that day? For me, yep. And then I also think, well, if I don't, what can I say? I did with my life, you know, like what's the most important thing? You know, and my boyfriend and I recently got into this conversation because when I, when we met, he was pretty vehemently against having children. Okay, and you know, in the beginning of a relationship you want to just be like that's fine.
Speaker 2:You know, he'll, I'm, I'm the one he'll change his mind yeah, yeah, I'll fix him, of course, yeah and then, like as months went on, I'm like wait, so like you really for sure, like dead set, and he was like, yeah, like I've never really had any interest and he had his own personal issues in the past with exes that made him kind of struggle with the idea of having children, and I understand everyone's entitled to their past and their feelings, but it made me start thinking well then, what can I say I did with my life, and you know, who can you tell it to?
Speaker 2:who can I tell? Who can I tell that I got to sing on stage for almost 20 years of my yeah?
Speaker 1:because no one's gonna care. Like your kids do, like people listening will be like, oh, like that's awesome, and they have questions and shit like that.
Speaker 2:But kids think you're yeah, my daughter thinks I'm like the coolest fucking thing and it's just. I don't know. That's the thing in the world. Yeah, so I mean there's that and best feeling in the world. Yeah, so I mean there's that. And then there's the biological clock. Yes, you know obviously, if you live a healthy lifestyle and you're good to your body and all the things. We can have kids later, but I don't know. It's a big, big thing, and not to mention the cost of living for us right now.
Speaker 2:It's crazy as millennials, yeah, millennials yeah fucking crazy.
Speaker 1:Yeah, I decided that the more my finances go up, the more kids I want to have, because I don't, I don't ever want to be in a situation where I'm like how the fuck do I for this? Like I want my kids to have the best of everything. So, and I mean finances are going up, so, you know, I just want to keep popping them out.
Speaker 2:Well, I can't, well, I guess technically, but yeah, anyways, anyways, yeah, yeah, these days I, I could you know but getting into the conversation with my boyfriend in the beginning of us dating was like, first of all, it's really refreshing like to be in our generation and have a guy that's open to communicating number one.
Speaker 2:That was like okay, the fact that you're even open to communicating this means that I found a good guy number one but it was kind of like okay, well, hearing the person that I love telling me that they don't want to like procreate with me was like, again, what can we say we did in this life?
Speaker 1:kind of makes you want to procreate more yeah, like what do you mean you?
Speaker 2:don't want, why not?
Speaker 1:that's, that's great.
Speaker 2:But yeah, to answer your question, I'm still pretty torn on the whole kid thing. Yeah, like if I had a perfect world I would have a kid at 37 and like be a stay at home mom, you know. Yeah, but I don't want to fully let go of my identity with my business, my wellness practice and my band.
Speaker 1:I don't think you would necessarily have, but again, something that's so hands-on. This is and this is another great like segue. So I was in chiropractic school and like the idea for me was like getting out, having some prestige, having some like this, like where I was studying like chiropractors can do childbirth and shit like that so and I was doing like cadaver labs. It was like actual fucking medical school. It was insane. But I had this realization as I was adjusting my classmates, I would come home I'd have a sore back and my wrist would hurt and I'd be like every single time I adjust somebody, you hurt yourself.
Speaker 1:I am inherently taking away something from myself, yep, which put this weird perspective on it, for you hurt yourself this. I love all these things and I don't necessarily need to be a practitioner of that. I can be a facilitator of it. I can talk about it on a podcast, I can. I can share information with a friend. I can start a platform. I can go talk at schools, you know. But I just there was something about it where I'm like. And then the other aspect of it is always having to be right. It's like someone comes in and they have a question and you have to fire some shit off even if you don't really know the fucking answer. Yeah, like you know, for I don't know.
Speaker 2:I know chiropractic school is pretty lengthy, but like you know, I'm a massage therapist, I'm not a doctor, I'm not a chiropractor. So, like, my education was like a bite-sized yeah introduction to like a whole world of wellness that I you know. I'm not going to claim, I know everything, so that's another thing. Like I'm, not a doctor like I and I feel the same exact way about going to work to help people and then going home and you feel hurt and you feel like shit. Yeah I feel like shit.
Speaker 1:I take like 15 clients a week and obviously I'm an esthetician so I do skincare too and like that's like my reprieve, but yeah, like how I guess, like, why I brought that up is, like back to the to the children point and being like a stay-at-home mom, because I feel like that is such a shame thing in today's society.
Speaker 1:And for like nine months I was, I was a stay-at-home dad and I was like I was busy as fuck and I do think that, like, men and women are built differently when it comes to kids and I say that because men don't have the kind of patience that, like women do. I would never drop my daughter at an all-male daycare ever in my life. No, it would make no fucking sense. No, so, like, as far as you going to work and kind of taking away from yourself to be able to like give back to the people around you as a stay-at-home mom, it's going to be exhausting, you're going to have sleepless nights, but you're also and it's taking away from you, but it's also going to have way more of an effect on on something, on someone that like actually came from you and for generations to come, as opposed to like someone who like oh my god, personal training. For me it was like training.
Speaker 1:I'm doing everything I can for you and you're going home and eating like shit and then you're coming back and like, why is the scale going up? Patrick, I pay you all this money and this and I'm like so, but like, being able to like do everything that I do in front of my daughter is one of the coolest things in the world. Like, I'm finding a way to get her involved right now with some designs and she's already talking about wanting to be this and wanting to be that and everything I've ever done in my life. All the money I'm making now, xyz, nothing compares to when, like, she looks at me and she's like I want to be a part of this that's amazing I'm like it.
Speaker 1:It's just the coolest fucking thing in the world.
Speaker 2:So and what your parents do in front of you is either going, it's going to shape you one way or another, whether it's damage you or send you flying into the next dimension with like so much knowledge and skills and just readiness for life like I feel like then your daughter's generation like college for your college gonna be obsolete. We're gonna have these crazy, rich ass entrepreneurs like doing the most.
Speaker 1:Everything's changing, everything is changing.
Speaker 2:I can't even believe like. I mean just our generation alone. I feel like a good chunk of us didn't go to college and are doing better than the people that went to college, Like I know for myself.
Speaker 1:I feel like when our generation gets into like more into, because, like politics right now seems like it's still a lot of like older people of all I feel like when our generation is in, there's going to be real change I think, like my little brothers. I don't know if I really want them in bucking at all but our generation.
Speaker 1:Yeah, yes, 90s kids a of entrepreneurs, like a lot of self-driven people, and then I feel like there are some generations like now that aren't as driven and they're a little more entitled, which I guess in this world, like you, should be entitled to a degree and you should feel like you deserve better.
Speaker 2:But like anything that you get you got to work for. Think about what we had, think back when we met. In what Seventh?
Speaker 1:grade Seventh grade.
Speaker 2:Which is crazy. I was. I think I turned 13. So I've known you since I was like 12. It's crazy. And we're in our 30s. What did?
Speaker 1:we have, like we were passing notes, we couldn't text.
Speaker 2:That's what I mean.
Speaker 1:Think about what we had?
Speaker 2:what was your screen name?
Speaker 1:I think it was like x rap 50x like 50 cent.
Speaker 2:Yeah, you know, mine do I. Yeah, you always used to say it I'm so sorry, say chica.
Speaker 1:Oh, my god, that's fucking great so think about what we had.
Speaker 2:We had little flip phones. We had like hey, remember when the razor came out.
Speaker 1:Dude, the fucking razor. Oh my god, or the, or the sidekick I didn't.
Speaker 2:I was, you were, you were a sidekick kid. I was a sidekick, yeah but I had the razor though, but yeah, like think about what we had we didn't have. Literally, babies are born with tablets in their hand yeah we did not have that. So the fact that we're we're a little behind, really like we're technologically behind these kids that have the shit they have now, so the fact that do you feel like it's a good thing that they have it, or or no?
Speaker 2:I don't I really I think it's a double. I know I think they have access, but I think Well, what's the problem we?
Speaker 1:try and avoid any kind of screen time for my son, and anytime we're watching something, automatically he'll just yes, so we'll have to turn him, like it's just.
Speaker 2:I have a. It's programmed to make you's. We have a room full of toys, toys, blocks, books, dolls, and she's interested in all of it. But the moment I bring my phone out, drops everything.
Speaker 1:Yeah.
Speaker 2:And she has plenty. It's just. It's just the nature, human nature, and I don't know that we that we had that. I don't know that we did that. Like, obviously, we sat in front of the TV on Saturday mornings. Yeah, but like we sat in front of the TV on Saturday mornings, yeah, but like we were outside, yeah, we saw the transition happening too Right.
Speaker 1:Like my first phone, was this like brick that had a flashlight on it and I thought it was like the coolest thing in the world and in comparison to what we have now.
Speaker 2:It is almost kind of like alien. It don't know if you really think back.
Speaker 1:And I was so fucking funny. I was driving here and I'm like I was texting and I'm like no, I wasn't texting driving I'm so sorry, he just outed himself. But I was, I was thinking about texting as a whole and I'm like what even is this? Does it go? Into the sky does it go somewhere? Like, is it like a linear projection at someone? Does it go to a satellite and back down? And, as it's coming to my phone, like am I being Like zapped, affected by the fucking radiation?
Speaker 1:of it or something. I'm like what even is this shit?
Speaker 2:Right. It doesn't even make sense and our parents were bitching at us when we were teenagers that we were sitting on our phones too much and like and I feel like now they're fucking worse than we are. They don't even bitch anymore. They're just like give this kid a fucking tablet.
Speaker 1:Shut him up. Shut him up.
Speaker 2:We were on our phones when we were bored. Kids are just on their phones period now, not for boredom, just because I don't know if you know this, but I'm a big sister of Rhode Island. Yeah, we matched when she was nine and she's going to be 15 this year.
Speaker 1:Damn.
Speaker 2:She does not have an iPhone, thank God, but she has a phone and she's on that thing. Her mom does her best to monitor and like the Snapchat.
Speaker 1:It's so tough because, like you, don't want your kid to feel ostracized and left out either, Like they're in school and it's everyone around them. She probably already does, because she doesn't have an iPhone.
Speaker 2:Yeah, iPhone.
Speaker 1:She doesn't have TikTok. Oh, she does Okay.
Speaker 2:But her mom tries to monitor it, so you know as much as she can. But these kids find a way. Her mom discovered an app called Perp. First of all, the name itself is like what is this? Basically like a friend slash dating making app for people between the ages of 13, or like 13 and 15. And it's like Tinder, Like you swipe through and you meet friends and I'm like okay, tell me how this can guarantee you that you're not talking to a 40-year-old man, or even an 18-year-old.
Speaker 1:How does it even contribute towards society in any capacity?
Speaker 2:To make friends. I'm like well, well, how are you going to meet that friend? You think you're going to meet a friend on this child dating app called perp and then your mom's going to say okay, I'll drive you to meet, yeah, no yeah, no fucking problem, right, it's a fucking little gnat.
Speaker 1:It's just been coming back and forth between us. It's because of the time it is my fancy cocktails attracting bugs but yeah, I'm like we didn't have that.
Speaker 2:We didn't.
Speaker 1:We chat aol chat rooms, which were bad and it was the shit, though, like I remember getting home from school and I just couldn't wait to just hop on and tell the guy that I thought was cute, like, oh my god, you're so cute today, or put up an away message. That was so fucking depressing.
Speaker 2:Yeah, or, corny, or and I'm just at the time I was like this is gonna slap.
Speaker 1:I was like all the girls are gonna see it. They're gonna be like oh yeah, he's doing something cool now what's today's version of that instagram stories? Yeah, yeah, literally you could swipe up yeah yeah, we didn't.
Speaker 2:The kids today have like they have it so different and, in my opinion, to answer your question, I don't see the value no, I think it'll have less of a benefit.
Speaker 1:I think most people eventually, when they if a lot of people go inside, they want like stillness and contentment and peace. Like when you live such a fast-paced life, you're like I want to fucking just go chill in a cabin somewhere and just wait why are we always trying to disconnect but like we can't?
Speaker 2:yep I find myself really genuinely struggling to disconnect and, like you know, there was a point in my life where all I had was the home computer that my family shared and I got to go on that hopefully once a day. And now I'm like I'm like cooking, cleaning, doing laundry and all the while my phone is in my hand. Yeah, I can't get away from my phone and then running a business, having the band. I have three social media pages a personal, my band and band and my Blue Moon Wellness page. Between those three, I'm just like I don't even want to say this out loud my screen time is like seven hours a day.
Speaker 1:Oh, yeah, mine's like 13, which is insane.
Speaker 2:Okay, so that just validated.
Speaker 1:Oh my God, it's so bad.
Speaker 2:But like I'm like, what's it all for? Yeah, I want to keep up. I want to keep up, I want to post. I want people to see my personal life. I want to post, like all the other businesses that have you know a K next to their followers. Like I want to have, I want to be, I want to be popular.
Speaker 1:Yeah.
Speaker 2:But it's like I found myself climbing and climbing and climbing that hill and then I I found myself kind of crashing. I was like I'm getting like kind of depressed, trying to get to where everyone else is or the standard yeah, get validation. And like as a woman, you know, it's a little bit easier.
Speaker 1:I don't know, I'm telling you but I do know it's a little easier. It's fucking way easier.
Speaker 2:It's a little easier. But so where my scale is set, it's that much more depressing, you know what I mean. It's that much more depressing, you know what I mean. So it may be easier for me to get that traction, that validation that follow, that, like if I just use my face or I use, you know, whatever it is that us girls do.
Speaker 1:Do you think that being beautiful is a curse or a blessing so far, so far, oh damn.
Speaker 2:So far it's going to go either way. It's been 50-50, to be honest are you? Asking me because you think I'm beautiful. Are you, you, you tricking me right now to call myself beautiful?
Speaker 1:I'm asking you think I think I'm pretty I'm asking because I feel that beautiful women in society are just going to get more advantages to everything, but it's also I think that that At what cost right Did I get hired? Because of this this is a great segue.
Speaker 2:Is that boss now going?
Speaker 1:to be a fucking creep.
Speaker 2:Yeah right, we spoke about this before we started recording. But working for people it was. I was sexually harassed in almost every job I've ever worked, whether it was from a coworker, a boss or a customer. Almost every job I've worked since I hit puberty Like my first job was Abercrombie Fitch.
Speaker 1:I remember that.
Speaker 2:It was actually Hollister. Then I worked at Abercrombie Fitch. Between those two jobs I started there when I was 17. And I experienced sexual harassment before that age. So fucked there when I was 17, like, and I experienced sexual harassment before that age. So fuck before puberty. I experienced that from adults, teachers, classmates, like before I hit puberty. So I will say like, yeah, you having a daughter, like a beautiful one, she's gonna experience it. And yeah, whether or not she tells you or even recognizes it, there's little innuendos and everything that every person says. And my mom was. I have a very beautiful mom and she raised us like basically to be afraid of the world and I don't. That's where it gets a little like tough for me.
Speaker 1:Of course.
Speaker 2:Because I was raised to be afraid of everything and not to go anywhere alone. Until this day, I don't walk my dogs alone. I don't walk my dogs around my neighborhood that I've lived in for 30 years. I live in my childhood home by myself and I don't walk my dogs alone, and I've lived in that neighborhood for 30 years. I can't do it, I'm too scared. And so, opening up a business as a massage therapist, can you imagine?
Speaker 1:Can you imagine?
Speaker 2:some of the things I've endured. I bought you pepper spray.
Speaker 1:I bought you pepper spray and a fucking alarm, because I was like you're just down here by yourself, like what are you gonna do? And then you were like well, I have a hammer under my sink, or something like that. I'm like no, like, like you need something to Like, like you need something to.
Speaker 2:Yeah. So yes, to answer your question, in part it has been. There have been days where I don't want to leave my house. There was days where I wanted to shut my business doors, Like you're starting a business during a pandemic.
Speaker 1:Oh, it's insane.
Speaker 2:You're in your early twenties, You're hungry, you want to make money. You'll take anyone. So I was, you know, posting on social media, Facebook. Hey guys, I have a local business. Come and get an appointment with me. You know I have great rates. So here comes John Doe, walking in my door and thinking like, oh, he's just a local older guy looking for massage therapy.
Speaker 1:You've told me some shit about people just coming in like ripping their fucking shirts off, Getting undressed in front of me asking me sexual questions.
Speaker 2:I was sexually assaulted. I don't know if I had seen you since then, but I was physically assaulted. A man groped my boobs and my butt and I let him come back because I was so nervous. I was so nervous, I was like, well, it wasn't that bad, and like you know, I'm not trying to pull like a Me Too or anything and like now, oh, I fired him like months later, but I did.
Speaker 2:I one day I woke up and I was like that's not fucking okay actually and this guy was showing me videos on his phone of sexual things he had done and I was just like so uncomfortable in the situation that I would just laugh it off. But then months later I just like woke up and I was like what the fuck fuck am I doing?
Speaker 2:I was like for what? Because he pays me. There's another client around the corner. I do enough marketing, I trust myself enough to get another client that I don't need him, and I think that's where the fear came from Strippers. They don't leave their jobs because they make a shit ton of money. It's security. But what do they have to do? Honestly, that's at what cost. That's where like massage started to get toxic for me, where I was taking male clients that I loathed you're like I don't want to fuck this guy's coming in.
Speaker 1:I'm looking at my watch and I'm like fuck, I hate this guy and then he's like I need my glutes done and you're like no, they're actually fine, they're nice and loose.
Speaker 2:I'm gonna work on your fucking traps actually yeah, I mean, they're like I want to take off the top blanket and oh and then they have a boner. And then I'm just like in this little studio that I'm renting in my first business, like trying to just avoid this elephant in the room, more like a peanut.
Speaker 1:An elephant with a peanut.
Speaker 2:And I'm just like, at what cost? Ok, so I'm going to a hundred bucks for massaging this guy for an hour. Not worth, literally not worth it. So it got to the point. It's to the point now, where, four and a half years later, uh, I literally don't take male client, new male clients. You want your, you want a guy to come to me. It has to be your husband, your boyfriend, okay, your baby daddy, like your dad someone where there's some affiliation or relation, there's a connection there's like a barrier there good for you though I straight up say no, I have had guys show up at my door unannounced.
Speaker 2:I have had guys message me on every platform possible. They unfortunately you know, as a business owner, your phone number's on your website, your business address is there.
Speaker 1:Everything is public. They can just show up whenever the fuck they want.
Speaker 2:One thing, and even at so, in my band, at my shows, I'll play a show. Oh yeah, that's another aspect too of I'm sure you get some fucking crazy fans I get, I'll play a show, and then let's just say it's on a saturday, monday morning. I have a new appointment request through my website from you know, dick, and stop it. And I'm like okay it my, my ears are up now and I'm like why is there a new guy that suddenly requested?
Speaker 2:an appointment out of nowhere, and you know he checked into mulligan's Island a few days ago, right. He was at the show and then he saw me and then he looked my band up and then he looked me up and then he saw I had a business and then he saw I was a massage therapist. That's all it takes.
Speaker 1:I'm in there.
Speaker 2:I'm in, that's his, I'm in she, she's going to rub me and that's their mentality. Stop. And I've literally had guys like in the past. I'd be like, whatever, I'll let them in, and then it would be like oh, I saw your band and I'm just like so that's how you found me. Yeah, you didn't need a fucking massage. You saw my band, so now I'm at a point where you want to get in you better know somebody?
Speaker 1:yeah, find your way in find your way and not through that so so did you like?
Speaker 2:shut off your like new appointment portal or no, I, I don't have online booking, okay, but people just put in appointment requests and I just don't answer. Good, I just straight up don't answer. And then I I'm like a little awkward with talking on camera on my instagram, but once in a while I'll put up a story. Be like hey, just hey. Just want to remind everyone like I don't take new male clients and it has to be a referral because I'm it's unfortunate for the good guys, cause, can I just say that not every guy is like that yeah.
Speaker 2:I've. I have male clients that have been coming to me since I worked for massage and me six years ago. Who wouldn't dream of?
Speaker 1:good.
Speaker 2:That's good. You dream of doing something like that. So I want to say I have solid male clients and I'd say it's less than 10. Literally, it's less than 10 guys that I have that are great, but unfortunately-.
Speaker 1:Those aren't good numbers. They're not good numbers.
Speaker 2:I'm being generous when I say 10 and I've been in business for five years and I see almost 100 people a month. Wow, so that's not good numbers, but not every. So I will say like, just there's a few guys that ruined it. For the good guys that are just looking for a massage yeah, that happens a lot, but I'm so scarred and so scared to bring new people into my business that I just can't.
Speaker 2:I can't risk it. Unfortunately, that sucks. It does. It really does. If I'm, I love men. I'm not. I don't think that all guys are assholes, but it's just in my line of work. I just don't trust them.
Speaker 1:Yeah, I don't trust them. Well, you've been.
Speaker 2:It's like pattern recognition, like if I walk down the street. Yeah, it's like what are you?
Speaker 1:going to like? What are you going to like? What are you supposed to do at this point?
Speaker 2:I did this 10 times. I did this a hundred times, like I learned my lesson. I got burned, like it just. I would be the idiot to continue to think that it's going to be okay, cause it's not like. There's even been times where I've been like, oh, this guy seems really normal.
Speaker 1:And then the day before his appointment.
Speaker 2:You accept tips. What kind of question. And then now my now, my now, my hackles are up.
Speaker 1:Yeah, you're like what's up? I'm like, what do you mean? Do I accept tips? I'm like what kind of tip you're talking about?
Speaker 2:yeah, and there's always some like sexual innuendo, and then I'm like I'm canceling your appointment, bye blocked good for you even if that's all they ask.
Speaker 2:I'm too weirded out I'm, and it's unfortunate that I have to live like that, because I live like that not only in my business but in my day-to-day life. Like I was on dating apps for two years, like I was out there and then that also was bringing weirdos to my website and shit. I was out there like meeting men. Like in the world Women do this Like we got to meet people. It's the only way to do it. I don't go to bars, I don't drink.
Speaker 1:Like I got way to do it. I don't go to bars, I don't drink. Like I gotta use dating apps church, I mean. Well, you have a guy now, obviously, but you go to church, right? No, I don't yeah, but I'm saying well no, because even I mean, I was raised catholic and like how the people at church, I'm like the fuck, like. You lived an insane six days like cheating on your wife and fucking beating your kids, and now you're.
Speaker 2:Sunday rolls around.
Speaker 1:Yeah.
Speaker 2:Pinnacle of perfection.
Speaker 1:Yeah, it's insane. But what's it like being on stage Like? What was that transition for you? Because I mean, I think in general, some people just might be born with like a natural talent and like lack of fear to be in front of a fuck ton of people. Were you like that? I? Mean the first time you're like I might shit my pants up here well, I started singing lessons when I was nine. Okay, and I had wait, were we in chorus together of course we were.
Speaker 2:I've there's pictures in the yearbook. Yeah, I was a tenor I fluctuated between alto and soprano yeah um, I was.
Speaker 2:I had my first recital coming up and I was like I can't do it, I can't do it, I'm gonna just throw up, I'm gonna die, I can't sing. And in front of people. And then I remember my first recital and I sang like fucking sang. Like an italian song. So scared, so awful, I sounded so bad.
Speaker 2:I, I was a kid and I quit singing lessons. I was like I don't ever want to do a recital again. Damn, gave it up. And then I just sang in chorus. And then when I got to middle school, I was in a couple plays and then I joined chorus in high school and I just kept singing but I never really made a big deal about it. And then I did a couple talent shows at Pilgrim Again, it was never. And then my singing teacher that I went to when I was nine actually ended up teaching at Pilgrim and I started seeing her for private lessons again as a teenager. Interesting and it just as much as I tried to push it away, I just kept finding my way back to it. And then, as soon as I graduated high school, my siblings and I started the band and we practiced for like months and months and months building a set list and, like, my first show was at marty, grau and cranston oh my first show I was 18.
Speaker 2:Damn, I was so nervous heart beating out of my chest like so nervous, but I was having so much. It was so nervous Heart beating out of my chest Like so nervous, but I was having so much, it was so fun.
Speaker 1:I bet I was so young Like a Mardi Gras.
Speaker 2:Mardi Gras was, you know that place.
Speaker 1:I'm sad that they closed down because, that place was the shit.
Speaker 2:So, yeah, that was my first show and I just fell in love with it at that point and we've been together now 13 years. Why the name Dr Slick used to be. It made sense at one point. It was all of our initials, so I'm the S. At the time it was Dylan Randy Shaley, lorne, ian Colin Kyle.
Speaker 1:Interesting.
Speaker 2:It doesn't make sense anymore. We're all displaced, and one of my brothers left the band and he got married.
Speaker 1:Why isn't your twin in the band? Why isn't Dallas in it? I can picture her being a drummer or something That'd be great.
Speaker 2:She, I don't know she, just she did a little musical stuff in high school.
Speaker 1:but she was an athlete.
Speaker 2:She was like more into other things and hanging out with the wrong crowd.
Speaker 1:Oh geez, Stop. Sorry to see this, Dallas. Yeah, no, we're going to bleep it out with one of those like censored things.
Speaker 2:But yeah, now, being honest, like being in the band after like 13 years, you know like I'm getting up there now.
Speaker 1:Yeah.
Speaker 2:I'll be 31.
Speaker 2:I know that may seem like oh, you have your whole life ahead of you. But like when you've been doing it and in it, like the struggle that I was telling you about with building your social media presence, like, yeah, the judgment and like the commentary and trying to be like everyone else is like with the band, it's the most prevalent thing in my life. Like that anxiety, um, and then you know, maintaining a healthy singing voice for as long as I have, like I lose my voice a lot. I'm not young, like I'm young, but I'm not. Like it's not as easy as it used to be. And you see these celebrities touring and stuff, like they do one hour sets. I'm singing for three hours. We play gigs for three hours. So like it is so much on my body and I'd say like now that is my biggest priority with keeping myself healthy. Like, yeah, I don't drink at shows.
Speaker 2:I am like you, drink in general not really like yeah, I'll have a glass of wine it seems like you're not really into it. Yeah, no, I never was I never really smoked weed like after like the age of like 17. I just like, yeah, I just like didn't really jive with any of it and I like to have a drink and like I'm on vacation, like yeah have fun, I want to but I find myself ordering mocktails now.
Speaker 2:But yeah, my health is like the biggest thing now when it comes to singing. I'm like I like I have to prepare for like 48 hours before I have to sing.
Speaker 1:Really.
Speaker 2:Yes, like I am drinking tea, herbal things, honey, vocal warm-ups, vocal steaming exercise, like you have to do cardio to be a good singer True.
Speaker 2:There's so much that goes into it that you wouldn't even believe. Like I'm recovering and then I wear high heels to all my gigs, like I'm hurting, she hurting. So like you think like oh, it's so cool, you're in a band and like people are always saying it and I'm just like I'm fucking exhausted, yeah, but it's so fun and it's so worth it, but it's just like it's not for the faint of heart, that's like that's why the amount of work it takes.
Speaker 1:It seems like a lot. It's a lot. I have two questions and I might forget the second one by the time you answer the first one. So forgive me, it's like I'm blabbering. No, no, not at all. That's the point. You're the guest. I'm just here to fucking listen and ask questions.
Speaker 2:You ask and answer.
Speaker 1:Yeah, right. What would affect you more? If someone new came to one of your shows and they made a comment that you couldn't sing? Or if a new client came to you for a massage and they were like that was a horrible massage?
Speaker 2:That is such a hard question because I take a lot of pride in both of those things.
Speaker 1:But gun to your head. You got to choose right now.
Speaker 2:I think, because music is is like subjective, you know, like talent and like you know you might like 50 Cent, but I like Trey Songz.
Speaker 1:That's very fucking true.
Speaker 2:You know, like to me. One person could tell me I'm the best singer in the world and they believe it's true. And then another person could be like eh, she's not that great. Like I can't please everyone.
Speaker 1:Yeah.
Speaker 2:It person could be like, eh, she's not that great, like I can't please everyone. Yeah, it would hurt my, it would be feel more personal about if it's about my singing voice because, like, obviously you watch American Idol, like either they could sing or they can't.
Speaker 1:Yeah.
Speaker 2:So it feels more personal when it's something that you're born with. But I went to school for massage and like I learned this trade and it's something that I, you know, really honed in and like I've got my own little set of skills and my own technique that I follow, and someone could also not like that true but yeah, I think I would be more affected if someone said I was a shitty singer, which is why I take so much pride in it, like I was born with that.
Speaker 2:If I can't do it, then like what am I? I don't want. I always ask my boyfriend. I'm like be honest, like I know you're at my shows and you're supporting me, but like you would tell me if I suck, right, because that would be so. He's like. He's like I wouldn't bring friends to your shows if you sucked.
Speaker 2:He would be like he was like I would like pop in for like a quick set or something and then I'd be like all right, I'll see you later. He's like I would be honest with you that's good, so listen. Yeah, it's more personal when it's your talent you're born with true, true you can't please everyone, and that's something I've had to really really get comfortable with, like understanding I don't think we can please anyone.
Speaker 2:Literally, literally, you fucking can't please anyone we'll be playing a gig and they'll be like dancing and these, like everyone's having a great time. And then there'll be someone that comes up to us like, um hi, we didn't know that song and we didn't like it. And then, right, no one gives a shit. There's like 40 more songs, so you just wait.
Speaker 1:Yeah.
Speaker 2:You can't please everyone. What was your second question? Did you forget it?
Speaker 1:No, oh, I did, but then I remembered it. Is there an end goal that you have, or is it strictly something that you just get enjoyment out of?
Speaker 2:The band. Yeah, I used to have a lot more agenda around it. Um, you know, I was like auditioning for the voice and like america's got talent and you get like a little bit, you get kind of, you get a taste of. Oh they liked me like and I got two auditions out of that. Like that must mean I have to like fight for this, but I am like against struggling artist mentality interesting I'm against it like you shouldn't have to like give up.
Speaker 1:I know people who have gone homeless just to be able to get this to be on, yeah.
Speaker 2:I don't believe in it. I will never do that. I'm way too grounded and, like I'm also, I also realize how much work it takes to be in a band, to get six people together, adults with day jobs, and and all of us can get together twice a week.
Speaker 1:And exhaust ourselves.
Speaker 2:That is a blessing that we can do this. Some of my bandmates have children. My brother has a baby. Damn the fact that there's six of us that are like, yes, we are committed to this. At least once a week we're playing a show. That is great for me. To me, that is like I get to express myself, have a hobby, go out, meet people, socialize.
Speaker 1:Yeah, being human Playing music. Yeah, being a human being, I'm going to kill this fly.
Speaker 2:I know, yeah, like out of your day-to-day work running your business, like like to me now this band is just like this is my fun time this is my paid hobby. That's awesome. What's that saying? Like get a, you have to have like two streams of income. One is like something you, it's like an art form, and then do you know what I'm getting at? I don't know there's like some saying that it's about having.
Speaker 1:The thing that I go by is is the average multi-millionaire has seven sources of income, so that's what I'm working on with all my different businesses. Right now I have two. Yeah, I got. I think I'm at seven now actually technically.
Speaker 2:Technically, do you invest in stocks?
Speaker 1:yeah, I do that's technically sort of what I know I got a property recently too, so good for you yeah, hey, 31,.
Speaker 2:We're not doing that bad.
Speaker 1:No, definitely. Yeah, no, it's on three acres of land in Coventry.
Speaker 2:So if I ever want to Is this a rental?
Speaker 1:No, no, no.
Speaker 2:You're going to move into it.
Speaker 1:No, someone's renting it right now, but on the land I'm thinking about I don't know like building a bunker underneath it or something, just in case you know.
Speaker 2:Uh-oh, right Pat's got his tinfoil hat on Right Look.
Speaker 1:Like what, if you know?
Speaker 2:Anything's possible.
Speaker 1:Yeah, I'll get a nice bunker. I'll build a bunker.
Speaker 2:Do you like? Should we go down that Like? Do you believe?
Speaker 1:that you're going to need that at some point um the likelihood of that I think it's easy to think that you wouldn't um true if, if we go and like, look back at history, it feels like we're just someone pressing a button away from. So I believe that we live in a very privileged society. We do To the point where half of the shit that we even give a fuck about is a privilege, and in other countries, obviously, it's a lot different. So I think that at any point in time it could get taken away from us, whether it be by the government, or we go to war and we get invaded who the fuck knows. But it's easy to kind of like, put your head in the sand and ignore it Like, but also, I have a life to live, I got kids to raise. So for me to like sit around.
Speaker 2:Focus on that.
Speaker 1:Yeah, because like balance an extreme, Like am I going to sit here and be like okay, in the next six months. Before the election I got to build this bunker, no like. But if it was something that like was done by like, by proxy, I had extra income.
Speaker 2:It was cool, Cool, but like to think that You're not going to invest in that right now.
Speaker 1:Yeah, like to think that like I need it because it's imminent. I don't think it's at that point, but then I could be fucking wrong too.
Speaker 2:you know, I think you have a good point about the things that we focus on are like a luxury.
Speaker 1:Oh yeah, to be able to think about it in a day, half the shit that we like argue about is just.
Speaker 2:Like we're lucky that those are our arguments.
Speaker 1:Yeah.
Speaker 2:And you know, of course I don't have a specific topic on like nothing political, but just like just the fact that we get to wake up fucking in a probably decent house, yeah, with food and running water, and I'm just like I, you know, like I have to go to work, like I really genuinely I hate like the whole, like you should change your mindset.
Speaker 1:You get to go to work, but like, genuinely, we get to do that someone said something once where they were like you go home and you take a shit in clean water, we forget. Some people don't even have that they don't even have a toilet or clean drinking water and we shit and clean drinking water they could drink our toilet. It's fucking insane.
Speaker 2:I mean it's not funny like I'm laughing, but it's fucking insane but the fact that we like, we think we have, and I, but at the same time, I hate myself when I'm like, when I don't let someone have a human complaint, yeah, when I'm like, well, it's a first world problem. And I'm like, well, why are you saying that to that person?
Speaker 2:because we are in the first world, yeah, yeah, we're living, here we are and yeah, we're stuck if that's a problem that we're having, then that's a problem they're having and I I have I've stopped saying first world problems, because that's my reality and I can't. I'm not going to move to a third world country, so I can now live off the yeah like I, I'm just. I need to let people have interesting I, I really do struggle with myself when I like bitch at people for like complaining about like oh, you know fucking.
Speaker 1:It's their environment, it's their life. The Taylor.
Speaker 2:Swift tickets were sold out and like now my life is over and I'm just like. Well that's a little fucking crazy. You have it Very easy. Yeah, that's your biggest problem. You know what I mean and like, but I'm like maybe Taylor Swift is really important to them, and like they that she does something for them, and like I'm just discounting that because someone else somewhere in the world doesn't have water. You know.
Speaker 1:Yeah, it's hard to find change.
Speaker 1:It's hard to find like some sort of balance in it, because I feel like when you live in America but I feel that and I I want to kind of speak for you Like when you have a spiritual side to yourself and an awareness and you're like, okay, I'm involved in all this fuckery, but it's just the way of the world, if I step too far out of it, I'm going to feel ostracized by everyone and I'm going to have no friends at all and I'm really not at the point where I'm going to go to Tibet and live on a mountain and wear an orange cape and meditate. So I got to do this go to Tibet and live on a mountain and wear an orange cape and meditate, so I got to do this.
Speaker 1:So it's, but I've been seeing a life coach for like a decade and I Same one. Yeah, and I and I saw him, and it's at the point now where I'm not even looking for guidance, as much as it's someone to talk to, that's like-minded and can inspire me, right, because like.
Speaker 2:Because it's hard to find yeah.
Speaker 1:Because you can inspire me, right, because, like, it's hard to find. Yeah, because you like you go to a therapist. It's verbal vomit. You think you feel better, you leave, you go back to your fucked up life. You go back to therapist, you talk about it again, where, with him, everything I say he won't let me blame other people ever and he'll always put it back on me. So it's, it's always self-accountability.
Speaker 2:I I 100 see that I actually, in the last 48 hours, ended my therapy journey with my therapist that I was with for almost seven years.
Speaker 1:Yeah.
Speaker 2:I just like.
Speaker 1:What have I done?
Speaker 2:Well, she was great the one thing that you just said. By the end of my career with therapy, I almost never went in there talking about anyone else. It was always about me.
Speaker 1:Yeah, which is good.
Speaker 2:Which I was like okay, I got something out of therapy, because I never like, or when I would go in wanting to talk about someone else, I would always bring it back to myself. Good, so I just felt like I was ready to it gets to that Graduate.
Speaker 1:It gets to that time For me having a life coach.
Speaker 1:It's a lot more personable where I learn more about his life too, and we talk about yeah, that's the thing it always felt like I'm paying someone to tell them like my life, but I know it's so one-sided and it feels like regurgitated information, whereas I saw him live in coventry and then he moved to like a ranch in coventry with like horses and stuff like that and there was like a nature walk path.
Speaker 1:Then he moved to florida ranch in Coventry with like horses and stuff like that and there was like a nature walk path. Then he moved to Florida and now he lives in the Dominican on a mountain with barely anything besides like well, like he has like internet because of like Elon Musk's Starlink. But I saw him go through the same journey of I'm a part of the society, I'm spiritual, I'm feeling a certain way, and I just had a session with him like two days ago and to see where he is now mentally about the shit that I'm complaining about. And he's like I drive down the road and there's a kid playing with a stick in his underwear and he's the happiest kid I've ever seen in my life.
Speaker 2:We need to simplify.
Speaker 1:And it's like, and I'm like, I'm like do I want that for my kids? No, because I'm so conditioned to think that I want generational wealth and I want to leave something to my kids and I want to be popular too and I want brand. So I'm like what really is the?
Speaker 2:right way. We can't deny that money makes life easier. Oh yeah, for sure. You can't deny that.
Speaker 1:Like I'm not going to say Like, he had to get to the Dominican right.
Speaker 2:How did you get there?
Speaker 1:Right so.
Speaker 2:We cannot sit here and deny that money doesn't make life easier and better.
Speaker 1:Yeah.
Speaker 2:Like. Think about times in your life where you had, you were struggling.
Speaker 1:Oh, I feel so much better now that I have money. I was at a point before where I had an amazing job. I lost the job and I took the first thing I could find and it was one-fourth of the salary and I had rent due Struggle I had and in that time I was like, well, I can't pay my rent and I can't pay my car note, so I'm going to just get fucked up.
Speaker 1:And I would just get cooked and my car got repossessed. I mean, I'm not advocating for that, but no, but you're like I was in the mind you're not there anymore, like I don't have anything, so I'm just gonna use it to not feel like a piece of shit anymore, because I can't even like afford the things that I I could afford it. Yeah, it was a shitty. It was a shitty feeling and I could never go back to that when did you go through that?
Speaker 2:2014 probably you were just yeah, it was like, like it was like 10 years ago.
Speaker 1:No, it was I was with someone we had lost a baby at the time which was like a fucked up situation. And then I remember that it kind of like propelled and I had a good job, and then I lost the job at that same time and like we broke up and it was just a. It was a spiral. It was a weird time. And then, like, like to be blunt, I was at a point where I was contemplating suicide. I remember exactly where I was. I remember like walking up and down this hill in the pitch black and I was like how I gonna do this? Do I leave a note? And randomly, as I was doing that, I got a notification on my phone that I had a new follower on instagram and it was my daughter's and it was ashley, my daughter's mother, and it was just like the weirdest timing. And then, within a couple months, she was pregnant and now I have my daughter.
Speaker 2:Your life's at 180?.
Speaker 1:Completely Well, I will say it was a journey, because now I'm with her, I'm an alcoholic mess, I have nothing going for me. She gets pregnant and I mean during that time I start seeing the life coach. I go back to school Like she's used to me being this, like almost piece of shit, and now I'm raising up and I'm doing better, and then she's always waiting for the next foot to drop. Obviously she's like is he just going to like?
Speaker 2:go off the rails again, pat, I remember you at that time in your life, like our friendship has always remained, but I, you know like, have taken steps back from being friends with you during certain times in your life.
Speaker 1:Absolutely.
Speaker 2:You went through a lot of ups and downs, fuck yeah. So like to know that you were as low as you were and to see, like Callie, and then it's crazy.
Speaker 1:It's just like it feels like someone else's life at this point, because I'm so far beyond that, but it knocks sometimes too, though it's like.
Speaker 2:Oh yeah, it's like no, I'm still, he's never not gonna be.
Speaker 1:yeah, I'm still here and I feel like to a degree like I've been put in situations where I feel threatened and I'm like I'm glad I have that part of me because I might have to save myself and my family right now. So like there's a degree of like trauma that can benefit you and kind of steer you on on a better path. But it's crazy because now that I have a son and a daughter, I want to protect them from all that. But I'm like, am I really doing you any fucking favors? Because it builds character.
Speaker 2:Do you think that your upbringing or the relationship you witnessed between your parents shaped your, your romantic relationships? Absolutely, you think it's like 100 related 1000.
Speaker 1:I mean. I think that a lot of people they grow up and they see things and it either like becomes their environment or they get so disgusted by it that they just kind of go in the opposite direction. But like my dad would try and like instill it inside of us, like it like talk about everything in front of us, like everything was done in front of us, like so we'd witness it, and then, like we would be told by him or bad things, oh bad.
Speaker 1:And then he would justify why he would do it. And and if you're good with your words, you can convince anyone of anything, yeah. So as a kid you're like well, that makes sense, I know why. Anyone of anything. So as a kid, you're like well, that makes sense, I know why he would do that. Then you grow up thinking it's fucking normal. And then it's like you get to a point where you're like what is my life and who the fuck am?
Speaker 2:I Did you find yourself repeating patterns in your romantic relationships that you saw your parents doing?
Speaker 1:Yeah, 1000%.
Speaker 2:You can fully admit you were in toxic relationships.
Speaker 1:I was mostly on your part 1000%, but in the time like and I'm not even saying that I have the best track record of the women that I've chosen either- Right. Like you manifest kind of who your next partner?
Speaker 1:is, or or to my dismay too. You can manifest someone like there'll be like some girl who hasn't lived much of life and there's some aspect of her that like likes a bad boy. So I've gotten both aspects, but I will say is that the majority of those girls I've never gotten into a relationship like that with, because they probably wouldn't have tolerated my bullshit anyways and fuck that, that little thing coming up at me, yeah, what's up. But yeah.
Speaker 2:Do you think there was a point in your life where you didn't go for like quality girls because you knew that you weren't good enough? Yeah, or that they would never give you the time of day.
Speaker 1:Yeah, well, they would.
Speaker 2:But they would see through your shit right away.
Speaker 1:I think I went through a time where I didn't know if I was a good person pretending to be a bad person or a bad person pretending to be a good person. But I will say that I never lost my heart, like even with like girls like that. I knew where to cut it off before I got to a point where it was somewhere like they feel stuck now and I can kind of do whatever I want, and I always avoided that. I tend to pick women that I probably knew she was going to give it back to me. She was going to be like equally as talk. It was what I deserved. I don't want to fuck someone's life up, you know right, so I fuck.
Speaker 2:That's deep well, because I was just recently like I've only been with my boyfriend for five months, but when I was dating like that filtration process is so hard to decipher who you're getting yeah, you know like you can really like someone and like a lot of things about them, but like and ignore all the red flags in the beginning too.
Speaker 2:Yeah, that are like blatant. You know, like you want to follow all these like bumper sticker sayings Like oh, if he really wanted to he would, and like if he loves you, he'll do this and if he really likes you he'll text you. Like if he wants to, he will, and like that's you. So then like you're talking to a nice guy who maybe works a full-time job and he just like hasn't texted you back in a few hours, you're like nope, he's not interested, he's a fucking asshole, you know.
Speaker 2:Or then you know I experienced the last guy I dated before I met my boyfriend. I actually met him organically and I was like wow, this never happens. Like because I was on dating apps, I was like meeting people in real life and yeah, right, so I met him organically and he like showed me this amazing like side of him and he had a. He had a rough upbringing and like a tough past that he had, you know, been showing me that he moved forward from and that he was different and changed. And you know, like he had some substance abuse, like alcohol and stuff like that. And I'm always a little weary when it comes to like someone who has a history of substance abuse Because, like you said, that part's always in you right.
Speaker 1:They come a-knocking.
Speaker 2:So like what I'm like thinking naturally when I start dating someone, I'm like I want to fast forward in my mind like okay, 10 years down the line with this person.
Speaker 1:What does it look like?
Speaker 2:yeah, and are they currently working on themselves? Are they in? And they say they are, but then yeah. So then you know everyone's on their best behavior in the beginning of relationship and I dated this guy for like a month and within the first month, like I realized how much we were going out and drinking and I was like you know, like we're dating, maybe it's just we're just drinking, because that's what you do, but then like he's trying to get me lit.
Speaker 2:He's trying to get me liquored up actually on my first, very first date with him. For the first time in my 31 years, I blacked out holy I was on med. I was on antibiotics. I just gotten over the flu and I want to say that's why I yeah, you weren't like processing it.
Speaker 1:Well, I'm just trying to have you back yeah I don't even want to.
Speaker 2:No, I'm not wearing a lab coat, you know but I want to say that was part of what happened. But um then, then the alcohol on his end started like coming into the hot my house and it was like, oh, we brought over this like bottle of 90 proof japanese whiskey and I just wanted to sample it because he was in the food industry yeah, food and beverage industry and then it was like, okay, now you're drinking full glasses of 90 proof whiskey with no ice, no chaser, and I'm like um, and then like when he would get, he got.
Speaker 2:So he got really drunk in front of me and he was like shut the fuck up. Damn, we're a month in that liquid courage that his balls were in the bottle yeah, and I was like there was this part of me that was like holy shit, like I really like this guy, but I really don't like that and I'm like, is this going to be my life with this person?
Speaker 1:I just had a flashback to you kind of enduring things with your clients and kind of getting to a point, do you come down to your self-worth? Yeah, do you feel like like dealing with that in your job for so long?
Speaker 2:it kind of helps you building your personal life. Yeah, going to therapy saying fuck you to clients that don't align with your values yeah and dating guys.
Speaker 1:That clearly also don't align with your fucking values, right?
Speaker 2:so I had to make a decision and I was like fuck, like I'm so sick, and then you get the dating burnout yeah like I'm so sick of dating I can't even imagine going on another hinge date and like meeting another guy and starting over again. But I was like that doesn't equal this being a better situation for me either true and, for some reason, like being alone is always like the scariest option. Yeah, yeah, that's always like the scariest option when really, like I, found the most solitude, the most growth.
Speaker 1:Oh, my God yeah.
Speaker 2:Being alone, waking up at six in the morning and going to that, that workout class, and like going to work for the day and reading books and journaling.
Speaker 1:I got really into journaling, going therapy like there was no guy around for any of that it's true those are all my, the highlights of my life someone sneaks in though it always happens they do, and then to the cracks I found that there was like a couple years that I was single and but like, were you always pursuing someone or were you like no, I, I really down bad.
Speaker 1:No, yeah, I like really went inside and I just I had no intention of it at all and it eventually happened. But the amount of work that I did in that time and the person that I became has really been tried in my most current relationship, where I found myself like working on things again that I thought I was past Right, yep, because you're single and you have no one to kind of like poke at these triggers, yeah. And then now I'm like, fuck, I gotta go back to like square one almost because you're living and you're with someone who's an entirely different being.
Speaker 1:They have like their own set of triggers and they're just, they're learning your, your quirks and and when you love someone, it's so hard to just ignore what they're saying, even if they're like not even saying something bad, but if it wasn't in the right tone, you're like are you having a bad day? How can I fix this? And I'm a fixer and a doer. So it's like. Anytime my girlfriend has a frown on her face, I'm like what can I do to make it better?
Speaker 2:Right.
Speaker 1:Which is like, oh, that's so fucking romantic but it's fucking insane. I try and fix everything. Every problem she has, I try and fix.
Speaker 2:But like do you think that's a good thing that you do that?
Speaker 1:I think that it's good to a degree Right, but I take it to like 120.
Speaker 2:Is there like a part of you that's like if I don't fix this, then it will end Like do?
Speaker 1:you have that fear of like it's probably yeah, if I don't fix it, someone else is going to come along and do it, right. You know or. That's the same mentality that women have, or she'll feel like I don't care.
Speaker 2:Right, it'll be catastrophe if you can't make all of her.
Speaker 1:But I'm also I'm very peculiar about my own energy and what I'm around, right. So the reason why I stayed single for so long is because I'm not trying to be fucked up. No one's really like I'm doing so much, it's not even funny. So when I'm talking to someone, if they don't, really I'm not trying to be like degrading, but if they're not like adding value to that or kind of like uplifting me or like filling gaps in my life that I'm missing out on because I'm so busy, it's just kind of pointless, right.
Speaker 2:And like sex can only get you so far. Yeah, I just, we've gone down we're in our 30s, like we've gone down that road.
Speaker 1:Yeah.
Speaker 2:You can hook up with people every single day and not have a serious, meaningful relationship. And where does that get you?
Speaker 1:Yeah, I mean, I just I used to chase sex so much. And then my best friend, paul, like at one point he was like bro, imagine if you put the same.
Speaker 2:Energy into a good woman.
Speaker 1:No, he said imagine if you put that energy into a business like, like, rather than than chasing. And I was like fuck, and then I started doing that. I don't think it was at that time where, like he said it, um, but it definitely at one point yeah, it definitely clicked and I was just like this is just so fucking empty.
Speaker 1:But I'm so peculiar about energy. Who's around me like I? Just yeah. So it's like when I see my partner because, as weird as it sounds, every day I wake up I feel like it's new year's day. Every single day I wake up. I I have no idea why I feel like it's a fresh start. Like monday isn't monday to me. Like if I fuck up my diet on a monday, I'm not like, okay, next monday, I'm like, oh no, I'm gonna start on tuesday, because it's a, it's a brand new year for me. It's so fucking weird, but I enjoy being like that. So I wake up in a good mood, I go to bed in a good mood. I'm in a good mood for a majority of the day. The issue being is, when I see someone that's not in a good mood, I'm like okay.
Speaker 1:I'm just going to make it better now, and if I can't, it's so. If I'm here and someone's here, only two things can happen I come here. Or they come up or they come up and you almost have to come down to try and grab them, to bring them up. So if she has anything wrong a certain look on her face I could tell she's stressed. I try and fix it and I can't. Sometimes you can right, because it's like something small.
Speaker 2:But people are just going through their own shit. That's that's also something I learned in relationships like not one single being is going to be able to meet all of your needs. Yeah, like I have become so independent in my relationship, like people. Somebody was just telling me the other day they're like oh, you guys aren't facebook official and I'm like what? Like these point is like I'm surrounded by so many couples and relationships that are so codependent and like insecure and toxic and like so I'm like somehow doing something wrong in their eyes by not plastering my relationship all over the internet can you?
Speaker 1:so I went through this phase once where I was single for so long but I had a bunch of girlfriends not like in a sexual sense yeah, like I had my friend lexi, like I have my friend sav, my friend cat.
Speaker 1:I don't think you and I were hanging out that point in time but I remember these girls yeah, and and I had a friend named uh priya and I had a conversation with a couple of them at like one point and I was like I think I have to dial back my friendships with you because I don't think I'm going to be able to attract a woman while these areas of my life are being fulfilled, like when I want to do something. I asked lexi if I want to do something that's a little more like this, I'll ask sap, and it was like I was like building a girlfriend out of all these different women, you're getting your needs met by three different people.
Speaker 1:It was so fucking weird. And then I was like, and some of them were like, although like, taking it back from it, but did you find it to be a challenge to date with having female best friends um like did women that came into the picture that you took I felt like I wasn't even looking because I was being satiated in these, in these ways you're like wait, and I'm not dating these women and I'm not sexual with them.
Speaker 1:So and I'm going out and I'm spending money, or we're going and we're dating yeah, and it's not like an expectation, but that's just like who I am as a person. So like I'm gonna, I'm gonna foot the bill. And I was like why am I doing all? This we're friends yes, so, and the reason why I say that is because, um, I realized too that when you meet someone like I needed three or four women to kind of like satiate what I'm looking for in a girl. But then if I find a girl who kind of gives me all that, when do those women stand?
Speaker 1:Or it makes you realize why people tend to then just care about their relationship, right, because if I want to go to the movies, I'll ask my, my girlfriend.
Speaker 1:If I want to like do this, I'll go with my girlfriend and like meanwhile I should be rubbing my back and you know what I'm trying to say so it's like I can understand how people get into a relationship and they kind of stop having a life because this one person is well, you think that they're giving you everything that you need, but you need, but you do need community yes because every single situation that I've had, like that, where I made someone my everything because they weren't and it felt that way, there was a lot of other things that I was neglecting, like like brotherhood, like bromance, like that's a real fucking thing like like, like having like good men in your life that that can motivate you and call you out you can't trade that for the world, no, and a woman can't give you that.
Speaker 1:But you think they can and you'll start trying to. Hey, come to the gym with me. You want to try some boxing too? Do you want to watch some UFC with me?
Speaker 2:And then they're like not really, but I'll do it for you said yeah and personally, like my boyfriend, has a female best friend and I don't think a lot of women would be cool with that, but I think she's great she's new she was in colorado, but when I first like approached that with my like female friends and like my family.
Speaker 2:They're like you're okay with that, and I'm just like, yeah, he had a life before me and I want to encourage him to have a life while we're together, and I want him to have a life even if we're not together. I don't want him to stop everything. The reason why you fall in love with someone is the person that you meet, yeah, so why are we stripping them of who they are if that's who we fell in love with?
Speaker 1:yeah, most people, I think, fall in love with the idea of who they can turn that person into Right and to me like I'm so evolved from that I'm not like chasing unavailable men anymore.
Speaker 2:I'm not like going out of my. When I was dating I wasn't going out of my way to like attract anyone. There was a few guys that I like maybe gave a little too much of my energy to that I shouldn't have, but that's just you know learning. But like, when I finally got back into like the dating apps after taking a couple months off, I was like this time I'm looking for a specific thing. I'm just gonna be myself and I'm gonna let someone be themselves, not gonna paint an image of somebody that I'm like, yeah, trying to mold that fits my life. Like I want someone to come into my life organically because I like everything about them and even some things that maybe I don't agree with, that they like that's fine, fuck it that's fine.
Speaker 2:You cannot find the perfect person and I was like also like your friends, like my family. I would date people that I was like this guy's fucking amazing. And then I'd bring him on my family. Like he's kind of short, oh he's. He's got this hair. Oh he wears this, those shoes oh he talks like that. Oh he's that old like that shit's sticky.
Speaker 1:Oh my god, yeah, and then I should.
Speaker 2:So I would end things with those guys and I'm just like and then, a few weeks later, like, why did I do that? Like, was it something that I was ignoring or that I actually believed, or is it because of the shame of bringing someone around that isn't like approved by everyone, yeah and that was like that's fucking deep yeah, that's some serious self-reflection.
Speaker 2:Most people can't do that honestly no, and I was like, even like with my dad passing away, my dad was the biggest, was one of those biggest people to do that to me when, before he passed away, he was like what do you think, shaley? Do you think you'll ever find love?
Speaker 2:damn he was like you think you'll ever find the man that you want and I'm just he's like's, like I don't know. He was like you're tough, like you're a heartbreaker and I'm just like this is my dad's image of me with like finding a man and I'm just like it's already hard enough as it is. I was dating in the thick of my dad's cancer treatment and like his terminal cancer and I'm just like trying to find a boyfriend in the meantime and like meet people and it was hard to go through that without a partner.
Speaker 2:You know, like I had absolutely I was dating and I had small flings and short-term things during that time, but like I really didn't have a solid person, I was ending a lot of things during that too. You know, starting things with people, ending it, starting things, ending it, and then meanwhile caring for my sick father. It was just like a lot of beginnings and endings. In a situation like that, I was like waiting for, like with my dad's cancer, I was waiting for that to just fall. Yeah, so it was like not having that also made me really like reflect on what's important in life too, like we were talking about with kids and like a life partner, like I don't want to just date and I want to go get drinks and I want to get wine and dine oh, you pay the bill and like I get dressed up and like I want someone that's there in the shitty times, yeah, absolutely so like I really started to reflect about what exactly does I'm looking for.
Speaker 2:So when I let people get into my ear about, oh, he's balding, he's sure he's this, he's that, I'm just like yeah, but you know what? Like?
Speaker 1:I mean balding's on his like you can date a bald guy.
Speaker 2:Come on my boyfriend's balding and he's and you know what a bald guy. Come on, my boyfriend's balding.
Speaker 1:And he's, and you know what, isn't he a good guy, though Amazing and he struggles with the balding you know. I'm sure he does.
Speaker 2:It's tough on a guy, you know everyone can have this, pat.
Speaker 1:Well, no, I got. I got grays now. I got the grays now. But it's tough, even if, like I saw someone recently that was balding and he's an attractive guy and he got a hair transplant. And he's like people call me out and he's like I don't give a fuck. I feel better than ever. My fucking hair is back. Who?
Speaker 2:gives a shit you know, Right right. Like whatever, that's the other thing, Whatever makes you feel good and like, don't fucking harm yourself. There's a big part. Like with women. Come on the beauty standards. Oh my, I feel bad that. Like do you believe in botox and shit like that I get? I get lip filler okay I want botox.
Speaker 2:Okay, um, I haven't gotten it yet because I'm like I don't want to start something that isn't necessary yet, but like maybe when I get into my later 30s and I see more, more of those late nights showing up on my face, yeah, yeah but I feel bad that we don't give, like men, a lot of emphasis on like the aging and beauty standards for men, like why I feel like men age better.
Speaker 1:They do you know, so it's like depending.
Speaker 2:Yeah, no, take care of yourself.
Speaker 1:But I will say that it's. It's well, I don't even know like that could just be social media, because, like when I go to my daughter's school, you see the dads and you're like I'm fucking, I'm like what the? Fuck, I'm like. It's so fucking weird. She went with me to an event once and I was like do you see these fucking dads? It was the weirdest shit ever. I'm like is this?
Speaker 2:just my dad used to say.
Speaker 1:That Is this just on social media. Like you see these like fit ass people on social media. Like I look around like no one's in shape anymore. Everyone's fucking ugly to me. I sound such a, such an asshole right now, but it's like it's true. But no one takes care of themselves anymore and it's so far and few in between. It's fucking sad. Like I, I want to see a bunch of of attractive and shape fit people. It's like good for you.
Speaker 2:I have a controversial opinion and I, it's a, it's a it'll be a question, true, but so on this topic of relationships and like dating and meeting people and being in long-term relationships, so you're saying like, oh, everyone's ugly to me, like how important is it to you that your partner maintains her health, her physical attraction, her beauty, beauty like that she maintains that and, obviously, to take care of herself. But yeah, because I, when I see a man like cheating on his woman and being unfaithful, when she stops being intimate with him and she stops taking care of herself, and she's depressed and like he's tried everything and then he's at his wits end and he goes and hooks up with someone.
Speaker 1:Yeah.
Speaker 2:A lot of those times I want to look at his partner and I'm like what are you bringing to the relationship? And I mean like I'm talking like good guys, like someone that's paying the bills, going to work yeah, bought you guys a house.
Speaker 1:Yeah, not some scumbag. He's not a scumbag.
Speaker 2:He's just like getting nothing out of the relationship Like.
Speaker 1:He should leave Well.
Speaker 2:I think, yeah, obviously I want to know.
Speaker 1:we'll just get that out of the way but that's not always the case, right, because children, yeah, men can cheat and really just do it for a biological need. It's not because they're in love with someone and that's it. So, yeah, that, yeah, if a man cheats, I I think it's far different from if a woman cheats.
Speaker 1:Personally, because we can do it easily, like it's and I feel like women cheat more out of like emotional necessity, whereas like for a man, it's like dude, shoot me. I've been down in the dump. She fucking throw herself at me, cool like um. So it's a lot different. So I do definitely hold my partner to a standard and I feel like that's fair, because if I the sad truth, I heard something recently where it was like so let's say that I was in a tragic accident, right, and I could no longer provide for my girlfriend, should she stay with me?
Speaker 2:Should she? I mean.
Speaker 1:I won't. I won't put you on the spot. The answer is that no, she shouldn't, because I can't. As a man, as a man on this world, my job is to protect and provide. If I can't do either of those anymore, then I'm pretty much rendered useless, and I know that's a hard truth for a lot of people to swallow, but that's just the sad reality of the world. Again, we live in a very privileged society where we can have all these things, but if we go back to archaic times, men would be the ones out there fucking hunting.
Speaker 2:Women are preparing the food.
Speaker 1:They probably wouldn't come home because a fucking wild boar ate them. It's just, if I can't protect and provide and give you the things that I should give you as a masculine figure, then then you should leave me just like. If you're not going to be nurturing and take care of you like nurturing is, like omen, specialty, and that's going to be like taking care of me, taking care of yourself and I'll take care of everything else.
Speaker 2:So so that's what I mean if, if your woman isn't upholding her part of the deal, which is to nurture and love and and take care of herself too.
Speaker 1:You know like, yeah, yeah, that that would be. That's a hard and I would do my best to like uplift and facilitate and give all the tools. But it gets to a point where, again, if I'm here and you're here, like that's cool, like like we're a partnership, like let me reach your hand up, I'll give you all the tools, I'll buy anything I need.
Speaker 2:I know about, how I know about fitness.
Speaker 1:But eventually it's like you can't. I I think everyone should always set like um, a deadline in their head and like I'm not great and I'm not talking like six months a year and you have a fucking notebook where you're just like checking shit off. It's like at the end of the six months you got to make a decision and you're going to know if, like okay, it's at a point where it could get better or it's like yeah, this isn't really going anywhere.
Speaker 2:This person is not like something that I can fix.
Speaker 1:For sure.
Speaker 2:And is it your job to do that?
Speaker 1:Yeah, I think we have a duty to the people that are around us in our life, but to the point where it's going to put like my time is so valuable to me, so fucking valuable, so if I'm going to like spend time on you, then I need something tangible out of it, like you have to show me that you're actually making a conscious effort to be better and not only for you, but for themselves for everyone, for the family, for the future, kids, for like, if I see you in 10 years after we break up, like you think I want to wish fucking harm on you or be like oh yeah, look at that, bum, I'm doing better.
Speaker 1:No, I want to see you in a happy relationship. I want to see you like fund that and dream that you wanted to do like it's fucking.
Speaker 2:I will say that, seeing um the ex that I was with prior to like my dating journey over the last two years, he wasn't providing or protecting you know, I was doing all of that, I was paying the bills and I was facilitating a place for us to live and damn, taking care of things.
Speaker 2:I was like in my, in my masculine, in my alpha, and like I literally like couldn't uphold that standard anymore and like he didn't even ask me to do that. I just couldn't not do it because it's like if we don't, we'll die, like it was like survive. Like yeah, yeah, survival yeah, so like, but then I wasn't being met. In the middle I wasn't being met.
Speaker 1:So it becomes unattractive. It has to become unattractive.
Speaker 2:It's so unattractive.
Speaker 1:It's like you're, I'm attracted, but eventually you get the ick.
Speaker 2:I got the ick, yeah, it was like the fucking ick's a real thing. I met a guy that I fell in love with and I saw so much potential for this person and, like he was on my level, you know he tried a few businesses and failed and he was doing trial and error with his career and that's fine. I like to see that, yeah, that someone's like willing to try different things.
Speaker 2:But it got to a point where I was like hey, five year plan, and he was like nope, nope, don't got one of those, and I was like all right, uh, let me ask you more specific questions and like how about a one week plan? Yeah, like, what do you? Where do you see yourself at the end of this year? Don't know, I could live in costa rica, okay, like, where do I fit into that? Yeah, women, where do I need?
Speaker 1:like tangibility, like you know, give me something that I can kind of like work towards too as well, because there was no partnership there yeah, women tend to adapt to their man. Like back to the point of if I like ufc and stuff like that, like and you watch, like you guys just love to nurture and you love to adapt and you want a good man to adapt to like, you want to be able to go like this and be like I trust you.
Speaker 1:I'm home I trust you show me the world and, if anything, I felt like I was leading. Yeah.
Speaker 2:And in that relationship it's empowering, I'm sure, but then I didn't like it, though I don't want to be in that position.
Speaker 1:It gets fucking exhausting and I feel like that is kind of the psyop that goes on. In today's world you should empower women, but you shouldn't empower them to the point where they want to do everything.
Speaker 2:Where men are obsolete. Yeah, we're. We're on. Both genders are here for a reason and so like being in a relationship where I'm in charge was like way too much pressure. I wanted 50, 50, if anything. Like I've never I've never really been the type to be at home and like I'm, I am very domesticated. You know, like I cook, I can cook, I can clean, I can do all the things. Like I'm a homemaker, I can also work really hard and provide a really good life for myself. But like at the end of the day, I want a partner to meet me halfway and like in that relationship, I was at 100 all the time.
Speaker 2:I could never relax and he saw that and he avoided me out of that. Instead of like being like you know what, like she, she's doing so much, let me meet her in the middle, let me try, and I know that he was trying, but his best wasn't good enough for me.
Speaker 1:It's so funny because I feel like I've lived so many lifetimes and I've been in his shoes and I've had someone like that You're a good girl and you you're like why the fuck would I get up and do anything if I know that I shall pick up an extra shift? I mean, I was in a fucking scumbag mentality at that point in time because I had no aspirations, I had no goals. I was like I could go live in fucking Costa Rica who gives a shit? Because I have nothing going.
Speaker 1:So it's like delusion. And then you have people around you that are doing things for you that you really can't do for yourself, so it makes you feel better and you're provided for. But yeah, I've been in that mind frame and people like that are dangerous. Like you want to be inspired by your partner.
Speaker 1:Right and I was like as a woman, I think, like for me it's like I already have all this going for me, like, and I find inspiration in myself, like I'm gonna do this. So like, I need someone to fucking hold me down and like with my girlfriend. She, by the grace of god, is amazing with design and she's very particular. So, like, if I design something, she'll be like, if you just move that a little closer to the right, it'll match perfectly. I'll do. I'll be like, holy shit, you were fucking right. So like, but I don't need that, that's a bonus. Like by proxy, but she was raised in like a different culture too, right, so she's a lot. It's hard to get an American woman because it feels like I'm giving 100, you're giving 100. And then, if we get together and get married, there's going to be someone else raising our kids. We're just working to fucking pay for shit, right? The point that I'm in now is Where's just working to fucking pay for?
Speaker 1:shit like right, like the point that I'm in now is where's the power dynamic? I want to know that, like you and I have similar values. We feel the same way about the world around us. We can make decisions together and we can decide who's going to raise our children. Like, if I'm making all this money and we're doing well, why would you also go do that for someone to raise our kids? So it really just takes two people that are willing to embrace the masculinity and embrace the feminine and know that there is going to be some overlap.
Speaker 2:Yeah, and that's okay.
Speaker 1:And I'm not talking about overlap, where if an intruder breaks in I'm like, oh no, it's your turn, baby. No, I'm saying like, for instance, my girlfriend. I work all day long. She cooks for me in the morning. She was up with our son all night, so I cook my own fucking meal this morning, like I'm not sitting there or like that's your job, or like I'm gonna go fucking wake her up, like I'm a grown ass man. I can now in the morning when I'm taking calls and I'm doing this, it takes so much pressure off my plate and it makes me feel loved.
Speaker 1:But like one day of me just no, and, and there are certain aspects I don't really know of the other aspect of like I'm not going to ask her to go change my oil or to, or to even like pick up a shift, so but I think, yeah, I don't know I can embrace that other side, but it it'd be, it'd be weird for me if I came home and she was kind of doing like my duties. You know, I'm like what the fuck?
Speaker 2:like yeah I don't know it got. It got to the point where I was just like this isn't for me, like I, I totally lost the like I have brothers, but like I didn't have, like my dad was just an okay dad I'm not gonna shit on the guy he's dead but like he could have done better.
Speaker 2:So like my standard for men has always been kind of like yeah like yeah and I don't really know exactly what I'm looking for here, but I know I don't want that. But so like to not have the provider and the protector as a young girl and then to get into a relationship where I'm feeling like floating out on my own again but like I have this guy in my life but he's not bringing a lot to the table. It was like it was very like eye-opening for me. So I'm like, when I got out of that and I was alone for a while, I'm like what the fuck kind of guys do I even like?
Speaker 2:Like what do I, even what?
Speaker 1:do I even?
Speaker 2:want kind of guys. Do I even like? Like, what do I even? Yeah, what do I even want? What am I looking for? Like I just got out of a relationship where I was like in charge of everything and like this person refused to meet me in the middle. So I'm like I need somebody that isn't going to be intimidated by the fact that I do have a strong work ethic.
Speaker 1:Yeah, that I can tune into that and if you leave me, I'm going to be good regardless because? But?
Speaker 2:when you come from divorced parents. Yeah, like walk around, like I gotta do it all right I needed someone that could definitely like understand that I'm always going to be good with, with or without you, but I really want your effort and your energy there, like yeah and I just didn't have that for so long. So like when I got out in the dating world I was just like holy shit, I don't.
Speaker 2:I don't know where to begin here yeah and it takes so long to get to know, like who somebody is and the way someone's going to be, and you have to invest all this time and then it ends up being a bust in the end and you're like start from scratch and then you don't want to start from scratch.
Speaker 1:And then you end up in your 50s and you're middle-aged and you're like, okay, well, I'm just gonna get seven cats. Now you know it's, it's fucking, but you should never give up. Like the minute you were born, like you sign a proverbial contract that you're gonna get your heart broken a million times. You're gonna endure things. It's just the price of being here alive. And I think the best analogy that I heard is if you watch your heartbeat on a screen in the hospital. It's like this up and down flat line is dead.
Speaker 1:If you just exist like this, then you're nothing's happening. Yeah, then you're not living at all. So you know, if you're going through a tough time, that's just life's catapult. You know it's fucking slinging you back, it's it's gonna propel you into something better yeah, and I think like trial and error is the only way to get anywhere yeah like if you're not going to try then you can just be fine doing nothing.
Speaker 2:And I do have women in my life who are in like the very traditional masculine feminine roles, like women's at home yeah cooking, cleaning, like taking care of shit do. They seem happier you know she, she says she really likes that dynamic and it's hard, it's hard for me, but then society is also probably like telling her don't fucking do that.
Speaker 1:So it's like back to your point about like you bringing home certain guys and always balding, like oh he's short, whereas like a woman, staying home is like that's shit on you. Yeah, like you're going to homeschool your kid, you're not going to like.
Speaker 2:You're not going to go climb the corporate ladder. You're not going to go build that six-figure business like what?
Speaker 1:do you?
Speaker 2:mean you're just gonna be at home and cooking and cleaning for a man, like maybe that's what makes some people happy. That's been hard for me to like wrap my mind around. And that's back to the kid thing. I'm like I don't know if I'm cut out for that life, like yeah, I think I I am. I do want to like be able to kick my feet up a little bit yeah every person wants that.
Speaker 2:Like, of course you want to be able to settle into something and not quite literally using the word settle, but you, I think settling is okay, like it's okay to be able to kick your feet up and be like I'm content here do you think not getting that from your dad made you want to embody that role more? What the?
Speaker 1:like kind of hyper vigilant yeah, like being a protector, like because I see that all right. Like best example, my friend sav it drives a nice mercedes, she just took the bar to become a lawyer and she was every guy she's ever dated I think is a fucking geek, such a dork did she like them?
Speaker 1:she thought she did, and and one day we were having a conversation and she was like why can't I find a guy that's like this or like that or or on my level or above me? And I'm like because you're a high value man. And she looked at me and she was like and it, and it just clicked. I think I I said this to my Lexi too, I think I said it to them both. I'm like you're a high-value man, they have nice cars, they got good jobs. And I'm like how the fuck are you going to meet a guy that's on your level when you're doing the majority of things that a lot of men aren't even doing these days.
Speaker 1:And then you end up with these fucking dorks and these geeks, because they're never going to be on your level. The standard is so high. It's a duality. If you become a hyper-mascular female because you're a go-getter and you're getting shit done and you're in school and you're driving a nice car, you don't even put a gender on that, you just put that on a piece of paper and you're like, oh wow, that's a guy. And then you're like, no, that's a woman. Or, if you don't put a name on it, yeah. And then it's like so for you to, it's almost like a duality. You almost have to attract the other side, so you're gonna get lazy man. You're like you're because for you to attract this it's I fucking hope it happens. Obviously.
Speaker 2:You know when I was when I was on dating apps like that would be like the uh instant okay, that'd be the message I would get would be like oh business owner. Singer in a band.
Speaker 1:It's mad intimidating.
Speaker 2:They're like what can't you do? But it was like it felt backhanded. It wasn't like hell. Yes, I've been looking.
Speaker 1:Do you want to know why?
Speaker 2:Yeah, I do.
Speaker 1:I'll tell you why.
Speaker 2:I'll tell you exactly why. Maybe I'll have an answer for all my failed dating.
Speaker 1:Because men.
Speaker 2:Is this like Paveman? Is this like Evolution?
Speaker 1:No, no no, men intrinsically want women to experience life through their eyes, whereas I said this to her too, when we were talking about her little boyfriends and stuff like that. I'm like, if I pull up to pick you up in your house and I drive a BMW, and you get in the car and you're like I fucking love BMWs, instantly I'm like, yeah, I'm gonna marry this girl. If you get in and you're like, well, you know, like my ex-husband, he had a Mercedes. I like Mercedes more Instantly for a man, you're like, oh, instantly, it's every single guy. And then I'm like and then I'm like, have you been to Bali? And you're like, no, I, I now want to take you there because I want you to. I'm a leader and a provider, so I want you to experience the life that I can show you. But if you're like, oh, yeah, I went last week immediately, like you feel like shit and I can't bring I can't do anything now.
Speaker 2:You have to think of something else that's going to be so extravagant because and so it becomes difficult for men- when it's like finding a woman that is high value, aka like has their shit together, has money, like doesn't need it, doesn't need a man.
Speaker 1:It's a challenge because I don't, because we feel like we don't have that much to offer you. We can't show you much more of the world. We can't bring money to the table to like sway you, to like us if you already have everything you need we can't peacock properly because shit, you're peacocking too. You know it's, it's, it's. That is how men have been since the dawn of human time. We fucking conquered the seven seas. We took over kingdoms. We just we wanted to like explore, have fucking 20 different wives.
Speaker 2:That's changed, obviously but so to find a woman who's like got her shit together, got money, owns a business, doesn't need you. It basically whips out a mirror and it's like okay, look at yourself in the mirror. What do you bring to the table outside? Exactly money and fancy things yep, what do you bring?
Speaker 1:and and most men to be honest with you don't have anything else because even if you have money, you could still be a fucking punk Right Like. You could just be some like kid who invested in some bullshit-ass fucking JPEG.
Speaker 1:But you're still a fucking geek, right. So I would say for a lot of men, like my girlfriend she works in the NICU, she sold a house Like she has savings, but she's also like she has savings and but she's also like cultured too, where she can like dive into that, where, as if you're with someone as a man and like if, like, you were to like have all this and that was your goal, right, I want to keep on building this. I want to keep on doing something. It would be very hard to keep a man when it's like he feels like he's here and you're just kind of like propelling. But if you're that way and you're willing to kind of like embody and be like no, yeah, like if we have kids, I'll stay at home, I'll do this it's far more attractive for us because it is like a mirror against our own like ego and bringing shit to the table.
Speaker 2:So well, yeah, I mean, I guess for me personally, I can say that I am multiple and like I am open. I'm very, very, very open and like, willing to ride the wave with whatever life brings. Obviously, like I have my standard of life that I want to live Like I'm not. Like if I'm with a guy and he's like, hey, I want to go, you know, off the grid and live in Costa Rica for six months or a year, I be like, sorry, I can't follow you there because that's not enough stability for me, that's not safe enough. I'm a very safe person, so like that wouldn't be-.
Speaker 1:What if they had like millions and they were set for life? At that point would you be like fuck it.
Speaker 2:Yeah, I'm going to go. Is there a ring on my finger? Are we married Like? Is there security there?
Speaker 1:Yeah, so I know there's.
Speaker 2:There's no guarantees.
Speaker 1:With anything you could be married I had this conversation, too, about like prenups, because I spend endless nights building businesses, building myself up, and I'm like I'm talking to my girlfriend about like marriage and everything and and I'm like I would never like I would never marry someone and not sign a prenup. And she was kind of like why? And I'm like why would you deserve half of my shit? That you worked for and she was like well, while you were doing that, I was raising your children, I was cooking all your meals.
Speaker 2:I was doing literally facilitating your ability to.
Speaker 1:I was doing everything I possibly could to put you in a better mind frame to do that, and that gave me a whole new perspective on it. Whereas do I think and is the right answer? I have no idea, but do you deserve half my shit? I don't know if it should be half, but you should be entitled to something, especially if you sacrificed a lot to get me, Because in that time she had to take away time from making her own money.
Speaker 1:Like do I think that women should be left with nothing when they sacrifice their bodies and their time and their minds? No, no, own money. Like do I think that women should be left with nothing when they sacrifice their bodies and their time and their minds? No, no. Like do I think it should be 50? Like, do I think that the most rich women in the world right now are divorcees of Jeff Bezos and Elon Musk? That's crazy to me. Like, these people are multi-billionaires, they get a divorce and someone gets half of their money Right, shit, I don't know. Like 25. Like there's gonna be some fucking thresholds, right, because that could decimate I. I've worked my ass off and if I have to give you half of what I have, that could decimate my babies in real time. I could then now be struggling and now you get a bunch of shit and now my business is like it could wonder and now I got fucking nothing. So there's a line. There has to be a threshold there's a line, I think that there is some.
Speaker 1:You get a bunch of shit and now my business is like it could wander and now I got fucking nothing. So there's a line, there has to be a threshold, there's a line and I think that there is some entitlement.
Speaker 2:Yes, I think prenuptial agreements are important.
Speaker 1:Yeah.
Speaker 2:There just has to be a line.
Speaker 1:Mm-hmm.
Speaker 2:Especially based on your financial position. Like we ain't rich, we work hard for the shit we have. You know, like we're we're out here. So to like yeah, my boyfriend and I've had this conversation too. We've had, that's good we've talked about it and he doesn't necessarily think that those are like super important. I think he's like a hopeless romantic, you know, I think he's like that will never happen, but I'm the type of person I wouldn't even want to take half of somebody's shit yeah I would never want to do that to somebody yeah, it's.
Speaker 1:It's tough. When my parents split, my dad had like a 401k that my mom got. See that's crazy to me. He worked a job for 30 40 years and she took half of it now she was just totally like smiling while she was doing it now on paper, right, I'm like, yeah, like that's fucked up, right. But to reflect back of like how he treated her over those years, I'm like you know what you fucking still owe her. So it's, it's all about perspective, I guess.
Speaker 1:But yeah, but even she didn't want to, but her lawyer was like you gotta you're entitled, you should do this, and obviously they got a cut too, you know so. But yeah, there's got to be threshold, there's it's got to be situational. There's been so many times where I thought the world was black and white, and then I'm like, no, it's shades of gray. And then I'm like, no, it is. And then I'm like, but I'm, I'm back to everything is a shade of gray, like who the fuck knows, like you could have the same situation, but it's really not the same there's things that are like coming out like younger generations.
Speaker 2:I'm just like oh, so that's a thing now, like there's, there are some shades of yeah right, pink, purple and blue. Oh my yeah that makes me wonder about your daughter's generation. Like what's what's gonna be like? Do you ever like worry about that, like with, like her school systems, or like?
Speaker 1:she asked. So I shot a podcast with her and she had asked me questions like this. So that's going to be like my first release and it was about like the world that my daughter is going to live in and I said I want to believe that I'm going to raise her well enough to be able to think for herself and to be able to avoid bullshit if she needs to, whereas if the country she's living in is going to shit, I her to be like I'm getting the fuck out of here and not be subject to be like, okay, I have to tolerate it because it is what it is. I want to leave her with financial options and also like the mind frame of I'm gonna get shit done. If I have to get shit done, right so.
Speaker 1:But I also like fuck. There's fuck. There's a lot of delusion going around in this society because, again, half the shit that exists right now wouldn't exist. In a prime example, I saw this um like show that was talking about. Like this kid that had such bad ocd that if he walked down his stairs the wrong way, gonna go back wrong way he would have to go back and do it over again.
Speaker 1:Right, and my thought was the first time I could do that, I'd beat the shit out of him.
Speaker 2:I'm obviously joking but, um, but you'd beat that out of him in some way you.
Speaker 1:but if you were to go to a different country, you think a kid that's starving is going to be like oh, I walked to my meal the wrong way, I gotta go back to eat, like these things only exist because we, because we're spoiled, we and we fuel them like, oh yeah, no, let, let him do it, let him go back up, and then you like propel the disease, yeah, like you embody it and and like you make it real it's depression. I don't actually think that. How do I put this? I don't think depression as a whole is real. I think being depressed is real.
Speaker 2:Yes.
Speaker 1:And when you say shit like that, you get a bunch of people that now want to defend depression because it's their identity.
Speaker 2:Well, it's gotten them so far. It's like they don't have to work.
Speaker 1:It's gotten them this and it's gotten them that.
Speaker 1:And it's like no, I've been depressed and no, I was just in a state of depression and I took all the necessarily it's a state of mind and I got the fuck out of it. Now I have depressed times but I have happy times too. And if you look at emotions, like tuning your radio, like happiness is 96.9. Depression is 94.2. You tune into these things. You can't always be happy and you can't always be depressed. It's like what's your baseline and to me, like my baseline, I'm searching for contentment and peace. I don't think that there is an opposite of these things. That isn't really emotion. I think, like at baseline of existence, it's just peace and contentment and I think anything else that you feel is what you're choosing to deliberately turn into.
Speaker 2:But in our society we say, oh, you know, I'm feeling this way, and they're like well, let's take you to the doctor and get some medicine. And then you take the medicine and then what does the medicine do? You starts having side effects and then that depression turns into. Oh no, I'm schizophrenic and I'm hearing voices and we need my medicine for that, we need therapy for that. And then, next thing, you know, you literally can't go to school. Kids can't go to school, they can't go to work, they can't do sports.
Speaker 1:Can't do anything.
Speaker 2:They have no social life and then, as a result of not having any of those things community social life, sports, exercise, friends then they are losing their ability to socialize.
Speaker 2:now he's autistic and like you know what I mean, like it's just it's a, it's crazy, it's a downward spiral when you start medicating a kid yeah when you could just be like oh, you're not feeling happy today, all right, let's go kick a ball in the yard, let's go for a walk, let's get our bikes out, let's go get ice cream but also I was talking to her about her anxiety and it's like why wouldn't you have anxiety?
Speaker 1:you're existing in a world that is so fucked up. You're enduring a nursing school program that is literally designed to give you anxiety. Everything around us is how do I put this? Everything around us is honestly so fake and made up If it's not us being around a community and growing our own vegetables and loving one another.
Speaker 2:Which isn't realistic anymore.
Speaker 1:Like for someone to be like. No, my dream goal in life is to be a massage therapist. It's like someone made that job up.
Speaker 2:Right, it's made up.
Speaker 1:It's not a real thing and you're going to put or I need to be a doctor, okay, cool, like we need people Well do we. Do we Right? Do we do we right right?
Speaker 2:do we?
Speaker 1:it's like it's I don't know, because everything's like so fucking fucked up right now, everything right, everything's a domino, but it's like everything in life is derived to make you have anxiety and to make you depressed. So why wouldn't you feel that it's?
Speaker 2:we live in society and then there's.
Speaker 1:I use it as a tool where if I'm having anxiety or if I'm depressed, it's because my mind is tired of playing this character right, exactly, it's like I'm I'm having anxiety about a job I hate right, because you're trying. Why the fuck am I going to the job?
Speaker 2:you're upholding a part of you that is no longer serving you yep and that's like back to the relationships, like, okay, I can't maintain my masculine anymore, like I can't do this. This is, I have to let go of this identity because it's trying to crawl out of me and leave me and I'm like holding on to it and it's creating a turmoil inside of me.
Speaker 2:And then you know working a job that doesn't pay well, but you've got to go because you have bills and you want to drive the car because everyone else has a car, has a car, yeah, and you want to drive the car because everyone else has a car. Yeah, and you, you know you want money to go out and do the dinners because everyone else is doing it and you can't not have money because if you don't then you're a loser and then you'll never get out of your parents house.
Speaker 1:It's like oh, I'm going to, I'm going to. I was going to say something earlier and I just came back full circle.
Speaker 2:And we'll end with this.
Speaker 1:that way we could go, yeah no, like I think we need like a part two and a part three. Um, I think you'll be a fan favorite. I actually have a lot of money going into marketing this month and I'm launching all the brands together, so this will get like a lot of traction. I don't know if it'd be good or bad, but it it's gonna get we'll get some controversial, yeah, like hundreds of thousands of people it's gonna go in front of.
Speaker 1:But um, so back to my life coach, um who, who lives on the mountain. Now, right, we were just having this conversation of um where he lives, there's like donkeys and there's like random people and shit like that and he said that his dog has started to like scratch on his door and it's completely fucked the door up. And he's like if I lived in America, I would change that door. But now where I live, it doesn't even like cross my mind. It's like yo, my dog is just Living, yeah, fucking, scratching my door, because I had things in my life that I was talking about. And I'm like, yeah, well, I got to do this and fix this gate or whatever. And he's like what are you even talking about?
Speaker 2:Like, where I live. So disconnected.
Speaker 1:It's like he's so far off grid and then I get off the call and I'm like, do I move to the Dominican?
Speaker 2:It really matters, you know.
Speaker 1:I'm like, and then I'm talking to my girlfriend about it and she's trying to figure it out too, because and it's like, what, how the fuck do? Can we even find the balance? And then I came to the consensus where, okay, I'm gonna be a multi-millionaire, I'm gonna have a house where I can tune into everything, and then I'm also gonna have a space of land where I can just kind of like remotely go to on an island and I'm like that's my balance. I I'm like is that even?
Speaker 2:Is that unrealistic?
Speaker 1:But I'm like, no, is it? Because if I apply myself and I do it, but then it's like, but then like I'm now attached to that outcome, and if it doesn't work, then Then what Do you suck? Yeah, then I'm fucked. So it's like politics, it's like okay that what they said was cool, that's not cool, okay, yeah, I understand that, I understand that. And it's like then like, oh yeah, she lied, he lied who the fuck it's like harder to be neutral can't do anything.
Speaker 1:And then it gets to the point where someone just says something that like makes sense.
Speaker 1:You're like I gotta, I gotta pick a side, I gotta do something, go somewhere, because I can't vote for both right right, so I I'm gonna be in limbo yeah, I'm gonna do my best to have both of those, but it's it might like. This is just too much like. Why am I in the city? Why am I waiting in traffic? Why am I doing this versus man? There's fucking things in this country that could just fucking kill me at any point in time, like this fucking wild fucking. So it's um, it's tough, it's not easy you gotta pick, pick your heart.
Speaker 1:Yeah, pick your heart pick your poison kombucha and just hope it doesn't kill you, right? I say that about like when I talk to my female friends about choosing men, I'm like all it is is picking poison and you just pray to god doesn't kill you it takes small doses, yeah literally well, fuck, that was um.
Speaker 2:Yeah, that was a a good shoe it was yeah covered a lot of topics yeah, seriously, I could.
Speaker 1:I could keep talking and talking, and talking, but I just I never wanted to be information overload for someone too. I was at. I was going to this church once and I really will end with this and the fucking pastor would. He would say some shit that would change your life and you're like, yep, I'm gonna leave you a change, but then he would keep talking like wait.
Speaker 2:What about the last? What the fuck?
Speaker 1:and then it would get to a point where I'm like like then he said 10 things that would all change my life, but now I'm I feel like a raw nerve, I'm over, fucking stimulated.
Speaker 2:Right and I'm like now I forgot everything. Raw nerve.
Speaker 1:So you have to know when to you, just can't you know?
Speaker 2:Not happening tonight.
Speaker 1:Yeah, you just keep going, or you just, or you come back for part two and part three. Like take a break. Yeah, I would love to have you on more. Yeah, this was great. I've had quite a bit of people on and I've definitely said things to you that I probably wouldn't say to other people.
Speaker 2:Well, you, you know there's a level of, so it's good to yeah express and, but I mean no boundaries here, but still it's like, should there be, this is going to public, so it's. I mean, I think we're gonna, we're gonna break through walls. Yeah, we don't need, we don't need.
Speaker 1:It's like onion donkey there's layers there's layers, like a layer cake. Well, cheers. Yeah, I'm gonna get a little drop Like a layer cake.
Speaker 2:Cheers, I'm going to get a little drop. I'm going to get a drop.
Speaker 1:It's all time. Thank you so much. Thank you.
